| Subject: |
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Re: Moments of insanity |
| Name: |
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Kait |
| Date Posted: |
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Oct 21, 08 - 3:44 PM |
| Message: |
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Hi Alice,
I've had similar experiences in the past. I described an episode once to a counselor, and she thought it sounded like a soft bipolar disorder... It's hard to tell the difference between a severe anxiety attack and a dysphoric manic episode I think... or at least I don't understand the difference. Fear was involved, but so was a psychotic rush of adrenaline and power. I almost jumped off my balcony during an 'episode' because I was tired of saying 'this isn't real' and not testing it--I thought maybe I'd live (invincible), and if not, oh well. I felt like I was on speed in a video game or something, and I had to DO 'something'. I was crying / laughing too. It's really awful, I'm sorry you're having it. If it makes you feel better, I haven't had one in years.... I think I'd have to get very depressed again for that to happen, and while I'm not happy now, I'm definitely not as low as I was then.
Other episodes I had weren't really as dysphoric or intense, but definitely moments of insanity where my thoughts were loud and racing and strange... like delusions that I didn't totally believe, but didn't disbelieve either. Part of the hell of depersonalization for me is that feeling 'nothing is real' opened the flood gates for anything to be possible--and that was terrifying or empowering. I used to think that at any moment the floor would open up, and I'd just start falling.
So is it a panic attack? Manic episode? I don't know. The fact that I haven't had one in awhile makes me think it's not manic, but who knows.
Anyway, for me it was about how depressed I was--and maybe I did slip into a psychotic state for a brief time (certainly can feel that way)--so I would consider your mood in the equation.
Good luck,
Best,
Kait |
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