Depersonalization Forum

Please use this forum to discuss information directly related to Depersonalization Disorder. We welcome you to share your own personal experiences with others as well as any treatment or study programs you may know about. We have been forced to restructure the Forum so we could have editing access as needed and be able to Archive older comments once they disappear.  Sorry for the temporary inconvenience, but now we will able to post older material for reference.

Depersonalization Forum
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The Classic Newby Post.

Hi there. I'm new. I heard about this site through a video someone did on YouTube about DP/DR. I just thought I would share a bit of my story. I don't know where to begin. Well, with DP/DR I also have panic disorder and anxiety, so that really contributes to it. When I panic, I derealize and vice versa. For the past nine months I have had the derealized feeling almost 24/7. There was a brief period for a month or so where I felt almost normal. Almost. But haven't felt it since.
I am certain it was drug induced, unfortunately. The harmless marijuana that is supposed to be the social thing every does kind of ruined me. And Since everyone I knew smoked it, I just kept doing it to. I had panic attacks and derealization for a while so I stopped. When I would sober up, I would be fine. About a month or, maybe 2-3 weeks, I'm not entirely sure, after that I was hit with derealization. I was terrified and didn't know what it was. I had only ever felt it before when I was under the influence so I was kind of freaking out. It escalated from their. It landed me in the in the hospital for a while, and I got out do a family emergency. The emergency was a death that at first made me worse, but then kept me sane for a while. It was unfortunately a (very tragic) reminder that existence IS real in some way or another. But ever since it's been coming back and intensifying daily or at least weakly. The feeling I'm sure you all relate to as like a dream, like your voice isn't coming from yourself, like even though you touch things, you can't feel it. Like the earth and everything and everyone in/on it aren't real. Like you're distant.... I have all of that. Most of my problem seems to be DR but I do have bouts of DP.
I see psychitrists and take medication (but probably not the ones I should be. I'm only on anti-anxiety meds. i was supposed to be prescribed antipsychotics but never was because I never was provided them when I was under supervision in the hospital, so they decided not to give them to me...
So That's what's up with that. My anxiety prevents me from things like medications and Drs that I know will help me. So between the phobias and the "unreal" feeling, I'm a wreck. I've been depressed for exceeding five years now. It's been a downward spiral.
So, that's all I really wanted ot say. I don't want to write out my life story. That would take a really long time and then we'd have to get into my PTSD and that is a whole other story. Thanks for reading, and I hope to find friendships and helpful ideas in these forums. :)

Re: The Classic Newby Post.

I would now like to say:
please ignore the type-os/grammar-fails. My computer was being its dumb-self and was being a pain about editing text. I don't normally speak like an idiot, I promise. :)