Depersonalization Forum

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Depersonalization Forum
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Just help me!!! I consider suicide

Hi,

It's been 5 years since I hace dp/dr. I tried all meds. Now I am on ritalin, since many months, I can't give up like that because it helps for 1-2 hours for thinking and memory. After I become more anxious. Dp/DR are always there. I also take klonopin and sleep pill and try to taper off.

I lost my job today. Now my bf wants to move to a big city. I have problems with going outside, how will I be able to take the metro? each time I take it (not often), I became so unreal I make panic attacks.

It's not fair. I had dp/dr since my delivery. Why, why, why I had that? Why nothing helps me???? Is there a med that can help me??? How to taper off ritalin??? I have to return to Paxil, but it never helped dp/dr, just confused me more and helped a bit depression. But it worsened dr. But I tried all meds and my psy won't put me on something else... expcet maybe wellbutrin.

I also considered Anafranil, I never tried it because I am already on a stimulant, they don't go together.

Ritalin helps me to be proactive, w/o it I feel stupid. But today, I feel suicidal. I mean, what's the point to live like that? Each day I have flashbacks of my delivery, of how I was so happy before. I WAS happy. Now nothing makes me happy, am I depressed? If yes, how can I be happy AND dp/dr?? And drugged by a med?

I am hopeless. Please God help me. I can't tolerate this anymore. I have 33 years old and I just want to die. I feel alone. My bf is tired. I have a 4 years old boy. I have to heal. I want it so much! Please tell me what's wrong with me, what I should do.

Tell me I am not crazy!!! I saw another psychiatrist and she told me I had no psychiatric illness, even not depression, and I had a personality problem, I just have to go to work and stop focusing on dp/dr, on myself. Easy!!! So why I feel suicidal? She said it was a way to escape responsabilities, like if I was egoist.

Why do I feel this way?

:(

Re: Just help me!!! I consider suicide

There is no reason to hurry to die. Your psychiatrist is stupid. You have a child, he needs you. Pills are not everything. Your body is ruined, but you can restore it. You know what you have to do, thats why you are alive. You have to rest now, no work. Tell truth to everyone, don't hide anything. Don't be affraid nothing. Your surounding will change and your body will get better. Use your mind to make decisions. Do good things to surroundings. Your body, thinking will change because of your surrounding and you will get better. You will become stronger than ever. You maybe will not have to take pills anymore or maybe a little bit of them. It can help you very fast. It depends what you have done. If you will do right, you will fell better. There is allways way out.

Re: Just help me!!! I consider suicide

This video really helped me get over my depersonalization. I wrote a post about it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHNyCAJXUXE&feature=related

I also greatly recommend reading the brilliant Alan Watts and maybe Eckhart Tolle. Also, watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4

Re: Just help me!!! I consider suicide

Karine,

Believe it or not, there is one positive element to your posting-- that is, you can pinpoint the onset of these problems to giving birth, if I understand you correctly. So why has no one diagnosed you with post-partem depression? Why has no one completely checked you out in terms of hormonal imbalances. DP symptoms do not necessarily mean DPDisorder per se. These very symptoms can be part of depression or anxiety disorders. Clearly, the doctors you have dealt with are incompetent; move on to someone fresh.
Remember that a psychiatrist is little more than a car mechanic. There are good ones, bad ones, crooked ones, and honest ones. There are mechanics who passionately love the type of car they work on, and others who work on any car just for the money. You are, at the moment, a Maserati, requiring a special mechanic, with a special passion for what ails you. A silly analogy, perhaps, but still appropriate, I think. In the meantime, keep posting here, keep communicating, keep talking and seeking help and you will find the right help. Remember your family, and don't even consider suicide as an option right now.

Re: Re: Just help me!!! I consider suicide

"You are, at the moment, a Maserati, requiring a special mechanic"

Cool.

Re: Re: Just help me!!! I consider suicide

Jeff,

my first diagnosis was ppd. They gave me celexa and klonopin. I took celexa 2 months; NEVER helped dp/dr and depression. I was depressed because of dp/dr and anxious BECAUSE of dp/dr. I stuck with klonopin because it helped me sleep, but I stayed in a sad fog for 4 years. Now take 1mg 3/4, trying since 4 years to taper off. I can't. Now stucked with ritalin, memory problem, emotionnal problems because of ritalin *take too much. I just lost my job, my bf wants to move, I am too too too stressed.

That is just why I take paxil. for now. Hate it.

Sorry :( for my posts. :(

Re: Re: Re: Just help me!!! I consider suicide

Karine,
I was in a very helpless state like you are in years ago. I AM BETTER. Please, hang in there. Go find a good Dr. who can help you. There are many, many medications...some work for some people and not for others. If all you have tried is one or two, you haven't scratched the surface.
HOPELESSNESS and HELPLESSNESS are symptoms of depression.....depression and anxiety together fuel one another, and it is a difficult and vicious cycle...but it can be broken.
Don't stop looking for help.