This is going to be depressing.
I constantly feel sick. Dizzy all the time. I wonder am I coming down with the flu? I feel like my ears need to pop. I wonder is my hearing going? Nothing looks right. Everything looks and feels surreal. I wonder do I need glasses? I don't feel connected to anyone, not even my 2 beautiful daughters. How can this be? I don't feel connected in any way to my husband or my mom or my sisters or my brother or my friends? I feel more connected to strangers than my closest relatives? I am so detached from every thing in this world. I don't have any emotions, except for the negative ones. My daughter laughs and I feel no joy. My husband tries to talk to me and I feel like I am literally 'on another planet'. I am 100% on robot mode. I am so sick of pretending and going through the motions like I have emotions. I laugh when I am supposed to, sigh when I recall thats what you should do in that situation - nothing is spontaneous, nothing feels real, nothing is good. The only saving grace to this disorder is the inability to feel. If I could truly feel how this disorder has ruined my life I would no longer be here. But I can't feel a ******* thing. Nothing... Hugs seem to go right through me - I am hollow. My brain no longer works - I forget everything, I learn nothing. How can I escape this. What have I done to deserve this?
I know that this is very much a 'woe is me posting'. I am sorry if I have brought anyone down with me in the process.
The hardest part of all of this is the fact I am a mom. I have 2 little angels who look to me to bring them the light, so to speak. I am their role model. I am missing out on their life, I am missing out on what should be the happiest time in my own life, being their mom.
Are any of you parents? Do you have any suggestions on how to feel more connected with our children?
I have had this dreadful thing for 5 1/2 years. 5 & 1/2 years GONE... Is this it, Is this my life, If it is how on earth can I accept it?
Thank you so much for reading my sadness. If I ever find a way out I will dedicate my life to helping other sufferers.
I know that dpd can disappear as it appearred. My brother has it for 20 years. Once when he was a student, dpd disappeared for him. As he told me. For a year i guess. I don't know for how long exactly. I have dpd for about 10 years. I know that it's good without dpd. :)
I think you know what you have to do. Give to your daughters everything you think you have to give them. Hope for the best. Do best. Be strong. Don't give up. :)
I had PTSD for about three years. Now i am cured from PTSD. It was hundred times worse than only DPD. It felt like it can't be worse. You feel like you are exploding and someone pause that moment. You feel your explosion everytime. Something like that. But now it's O.K. . :)
I have suffered with depersonalisation for since October 2007, and I can say that I am well on the way to recovery. I stumbled across this site around 2 months back, and it disturbed me greatly. People saying they have suffered for 10 15 years with dp, and all the words like 'a sick soul' etc, this site makes me feel worse. If this person knows anything about dp and recovery he/she must know that flourescent green writing on a black background is possibly the most uncomfortable text/background combo in existence. As dp is just a state of mind, a sufferer needs positivity and I have not seen any of this on this site, just dark scary horror stories that will make you sink deeper into dp.
There is a huge amount of positive help and good advice out there, and in my and alot of other ex-sufferers opinion is that people that have suffered 10-15 years just haven't found the correct advice and understanding. I took no meds, no professional pshychiatric help, and i have recovered in 6 months. I was terrible, didn't recognise myself or voice, terrible scary thoughts about planning my suicide, no sleep, constant body tremors, everything. But now I am fine, and you will be too if you get the write advice and stop wallowing in your own suffering. The only way to be normal is to live your life normally, don't hide away.
I am a mum aswell, I ahve two boys aged 4 and 1... I have today been told/diagnosed with this monster DPD... although i suppose its nice to have a name for it.... I find it very hard to put into words how it now makes me feel... what you said was like reading my thoughts... I always feel like im letting my family down... I would like to stay in touch if you like x