Depersonalization Forum

Please use this forum to discuss information directly related to Depersonalization Disorder. We welcome you to share your own personal experiences with others as well as any treatment or study programs you may know about. We have been forced to restructure the Forum so we could have editing access as needed and be able to Archive older comments once they disappear.  Sorry for the temporary inconvenience, but now we will able to post older material for reference.

Depersonalization Forum
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Re: Moments of insanity

Hi Alice,

I've had similar experiences in the past. I described an episode once to a counselor, and she thought it sounded like a soft bipolar disorder... It's hard to tell the difference between a severe anxiety attack and a dysphoric manic episode I think... or at least I don't understand the difference. Fear was involved, but so was a psychotic rush of adrenaline and power. I almost jumped off my balcony during an 'episode' because I was tired of saying 'this isn't real' and not testing it--I thought maybe I'd live (invincible), and if not, oh well. I felt like I was on speed in a video game or something, and I had to DO 'something'. I was crying / laughing too. It's really awful, I'm sorry you're having it. If it makes you feel better, I haven't had one in years.... I think I'd have to get very depressed again for that to happen, and while I'm not happy now, I'm definitely not as low as I was then.
Other episodes I had weren't really as dysphoric or intense, but definitely moments of insanity where my thoughts were loud and racing and strange... like delusions that I didn't totally believe, but didn't disbelieve either. Part of the hell of depersonalization for me is that feeling 'nothing is real' opened the flood gates for anything to be possible--and that was terrifying or empowering. I used to think that at any moment the floor would open up, and I'd just start falling.
So is it a panic attack? Manic episode? I don't know. The fact that I haven't had one in awhile makes me think it's not manic, but who knows.

Anyway, for me it was about how depressed I was--and maybe I did slip into a psychotic state for a brief time (certainly can feel that way)--so I would consider your mood in the equation.

Good luck,
Best,
Kait

Re: Re: Moments of insanity

Sometimes (especially if I'm hungover) I had these moments where for a split second, everything seems totally out of place. Like, I just slipped into insanity and I have to stop right in my tracks, close my eyes, and say "whoaaa".

Adrenaline gets poured into my blood and I sit around hoping that another feeling like that doesn't happen again or last longer.