Depersonalization Forum

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Depersonalization Forum
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Re: Dissociation extreme - please help!!!!!!

Hi Katherine,
You're not crazy and there is help. But you have to work at it too. You need more that ritalin. I don't know how old you are but ritalin in adults can act like speed making your anxiety worse. I take prozac (for the depression ) and risperadol to calm me and klonapin( like a mild tranquilizer. These episodes are not real. although they feel VERY real. Its your mind playing tricks on you. Educate yourself as much as you can, it will also help. Go to a doctor. If you don't know a phsciatrist, ask your family doctor to refer to one. Don't keep quiet about it, there is nothing to be ashamed of.


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I don't feel goood lately. I saw the psychologist in dissociation. she thinks I have dissociation for sure. She makes me do relaxation but all I want is scream and be reasured and talk. I need to talk to you please....

I can't do relaxation because I DONT FEEL IN THE BODY. I just am not able to put my mind onto my body. It's horrible. Since ritalin, I feel like I am on drugs all the time. Like when you smoke pot, your mind goes elsewhere.... I am like that all the time. I tried to taper off 4 days, I've been ill physically, then I cried all the time. I didn't see a difference in dp/dr except extreme sadness and wanted suicide. I felt more more sleepy and anxious in a odd way. Not there but not ike ritalin does. Very very sad. Crying all the time.

But Now I took since, and retry to taper off 0. But I don't think my memories and sould will come back in my body. I don't know if you understand. I don't know who I am.... I don't remember who I was before ritalin. Vaguely, but it's enough. Before I was someone, now I am nothing. I FEEL like my mind is above my body. I don't feel there, NEVER. I feel it's permanent. When I move, do a activity with my family, I don't have fear or something, I don't feel it. I move the body, but me??? I don't know where I am. It's horrible. Nobody can understand. I would like to take my hand and take my soul above my body and push down, it's a way of saying things, to reenter my body.

It's why I am so depressed and it's why I take bits of ritalin. Not to suicide myself. I feel like I lost all memory, short or long term. I know it may be hidden somewhere, but I feel so sad, anxious. I feel like I have no brain, and I don't want to do anything, except when the buzz of ritalin comes and I can MOVE and GO OUT a bit. Just do routine. It's not a life. My boyfriend thinks I have finally tapered off ritalin, that I will return to work in april. But how to return to work when you are not THERE? When you can't understand instructions? When you dissociate all the time? How can you live w/o ritalin and with Paxil and with dissociation??? I feel Like I am alone with it, and I am VERY VERY depressed deep down inside. I hide it well, but I can't eat, have trouble to see friends, etc. I don't care because I am dying inside and nobody can understand and help me.

Please, please telle me you feel like that.... I don't want to believe that I am crazy. I am so depressed. Life doesn't matter to me.... I have to remember, and sometimes it,s hard, that I can be better, but I have to have something to calm down the panic inside w/o making me feel like a zombie or no memory, like benzo do now to me.

I feel like I have no heart. I feel like I lost my life because of ritalin and nobody can reassure me. Nobody. Nobody....

I need your guidance... Please...