Depersonalization Forum

Please use this forum to discuss information directly related to Depersonalization Disorder. We welcome you to share your own personal experiences with others as well as any treatment or study programs you may know about. We have been forced to restructure the Forum so we could have editing access as needed and be able to Archive older comments once they disappear.  Sorry for the temporary inconvenience, but now we will able to post older material for reference.

Depersonalization Forum
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Re: Re: Re: Depersonalization - Do I have it, and is there hope?

Stephanie,
I feel exactly like that sometimes. I feel like I don't want to live in my own skin. I sometimes can't even feel myself. I feel odd. Its so hard to describe.But, its the most awlfull feeling. Many times I have thought that its better to die and go on like this. But, 11-23, I tried to kill myself with a bottle of Lunesta and didn't succeed. I'm so glad now that I didn't. I still feel terrible at times but I do feel better sometimes. I try to dwell on those times. Try to focus on the positive. Give your treatment some time. Some people take longer than others. Every day is a new day and just pray it will be a better one. thats what I do.

Debbie

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Replying to:

Hi Debbie,

Thanks for your reply. I'm not really sure if we have exactly the same sort of condition, but it's good to know that someone understands, at least.

I don't have out of body experiences like seeing myself across the room, etc., nor do I feel that I have an alternate personality. Mostly for me, it's a feeling of not wanting to be in my body anymore, as opposed to feeling removed from it. It's always the worst when I wake up, for whatever reason. I am home from the hospital for the weekend, and this morning I woke up, and immediately thought, "Oh god, another day of this, of being me and struggling". I got so anxious and started crying. I went to my Mom's room and crawled into bed with her and told her that I just want to die to stop feeling this way and that, even though I'm being treated for this, I don't want to get better, because I'll still be me. I can't recover from myself.

I wonder if any of this makes sense to anyone..

Re: Re: Re: Re: Depersonalization - Do I have it, and is there hope?

While Depersonalization Disorder does fall under Dissociative Disorders in the American diagnostic manuals, it seems to have little in common with those other Disorders. This is why the European manuals list it under Anxiety or other Disorders. Dissociation such as out of body experiences or multiple personality disorders are hard core dissociation and often arise from childhood abuse of some time. Depersonalization Disorder is marked by an internal "separation" from your old sense of self. You don't feel like yourself, and you can't stop to figure out why. Life, and your own identity seem strange, or foreign, and you no longer seem to fit into the world you once knew. Sometimes, anxiety and panic attacks enter the picture as well. Sometimes, a separate voice, or voices, can be heard in your own head, as if there is a split inside. It's all a real pain in the butt.