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I begin it's my 3st day on it at 250 mg. I feel in a fog, never there, in the limbs. I cry less because I am too tired and confused. I feel confused and I have trouble to feel fear because I can't focus or concentrate, think. I know all say it's normal, but I hate it! I take it to taper off ritalin because it nearly kill me, but I know it's maybe better to be numb for a while, but I can't accept to feel always in a daze, not a derealization, like a dream, like I walk and vaguely remember what I did, and my mind dont care (but inside I do!!!!) but I don't know how to describe it, like I can't planifiy or think of the future, or make a big crisis, it's my mind who calms itself but inside me I just want to die....
My doctor thinks I am way too nervous and maybe bipolar, that is why he tries this. But how can I be happy w/o AD for depression (for now), and the feeling of being a stupid person, nobody, I feel nobody, I feel nothing!!!! I hope it will feel better, but I can't think I am crazy I can't think!!!!
I know all pharmacologists thinks I am troubled or anxious and I invent all this but I have reactions to meds, and I am addicted to ritalin, and depressed at hell, and now, I feel in the limbs with Epival at baby doses. It was my last tentative, it has to work, but how can I feel happy in a Paxil withdrawal, with ritalin in my body (wich doesn't work anymore to ground myself), and sleep pills and klonopin?
I have to talk to you, please talk to me!!! write to me please
I saw a specialist in BIPOLAR. It seems that I am bipolar. Dp/dr doesn't mean anything to him, except it's an anxious thing, He didn't talk about curing dp/dr.....not at all..... ritalin, yes I am addiocted and have to taper off..... i will do it slowly but I think I try faster because it changed me so much, it's like night and day. I am on Paxil 10 now, because I remember it helped me in the past for panic.
I have to begin Lithium 150 mg.... and taper off Ritalin.... and for dp/dr, no answer. I am bipolar, have to try Lithium because Epival made me suicidal. I don't work, I am confused, I have fear and feel like a failure to my son and bf. I try to have faith, but I lost any faith.
I am too afraid......anxious is not the word. I don't want to live anymore if Lithium doesn't help me.
Please write to me, think of me.
p.s. I will see a LAST psychiatrst specialised in POST_Ritalin problems, to see what he thinks. I want to have the opinion of someone who knows what is ritalin abuse....I want to know.
God, I hate Paxil but I am so depressed, I wished to have more of Paxil (20) to endure my life right now.... I have just 10.