This is a personal letter written by hospital aides of Admiral Hooten-Putten while he was recovering from a small exposure of free range chicken pox while riding shirtless on horseback on a farm near the border of Kaszinkenhackensink Province in Russia!
Dear fellow commades in the country of Amerika or rather the USSR---I mean the USSA---I mean the US of Amerika---I mean the USA!!
I have been asked recently if my comments about Americans being exceptional are really self-serving and not based on a personal complant I have with the American people---the fact is I am your master and you will do as I say--feed me your oil and your nuclear missles!!!
I know you think your president and myself are on the same page but if you look real close I am the page and he is the red line ink that I have underlined on the laws that I have for your people to obey!!
We are not that much different we Russians and you Americans-- we both like watching the old reruns of the Mary Tyler Moore Show and Gilligan's Island--that Gilligan-what will he get into next-he keeps delaying the rescue of all the castaways!
I have been saying all along that to create peace one must control the world-and by golly-I am going to become the world leader once I can master the art of Kung Fu and Martial Arts--and Ballroom Dancing!
You Americans are soo gullible and neive---all I have to do is wave a smoke screen in front of you and you will try to douse it with gasoline!!
Your President is finally seeing eye to eye with me and my plan of world conquest-he seems to like to be in the driver's seat-that is why I have arranged for him to ride in a child's stool next to me in the passenger side of the driver's seat-he can look out the front window and bark at all the passing missles of WMD flying by on their way to their target!
I Admiral Hooten-Putten will one day own this whole continent of Australia---wait ---let me see the world globe a minute--there it is---aw,yes--I mean, one day I will own the whole continent of Asia---looks like Europe and Asia are one continent----I didn't know they both shared the same land mass--interesting!!
Did you know my fellow American Comrades that we all share equal DNA and not one of us is different unless you are EVE and you want to be STEVE!!
That is where I draw a red line!! You who want to change your sex or those of you who want to be different--I have a place for you and it is really warm and hospitable---just make sure you bring work gloves and work clothes--you want change--my motto is---You Break a Sweat--We'll Change You Yet!!!
Your President and I have decided not to bomb Syria--it has too many palm trees that cannot be replaced on the western coast of the Mediterranian Sea--They provide much shade for the tourists and visiters on the beach--so instead we decided to send shiploads of expiration dated food on can goods!!
I know! I Know! You are thinking this will only prolong the war and lead to more frustration and will still leave the Syrian regime in power--so I decided to send a giant shipment of Britney Spears CDs without any sharp tools-- so that the citizens cannot open the sealed plastic that encases the CD recordings---that will lead to anger and frustration and will definitely make the country collapse!!!
You Americans play me for the fool don't you---I see past your Patriotic ways and I get right down to where the heart of the matter is---you all enjoy eating Barbeque food and watching football!!
When America becomes a member of the Russian Empire we will all gather in stadiums all around the motherland and even at Moscow square and have a bowl of Camel Stew and watch on the black and white TV set a good game of Log Rolling at the Ukraine Saw Mill!!
Now that is what I call a Hoop-tee-Nanny!! Didn't think I could get down with it--did ya?!!!
So I would like to extend the ball and chain branch---I mean the olive branch of friendship and peace and commrademanship to my fellow friends in the USSA or I mean the US of A!!!
In parting I would like to have the first dog Bo and my German shepherd named Ferdinand to meet in the Krimlin garden and share a giant neck bone from the wild bore-I mean Boor that I just killed the other day with my own hands and a handgun!
Until we meet again--your commrade Hooten-Putten!!!
Thank you for this lovely and true to dog form update! You are right, we should be barking the alarm from the top of our doghouses but the top dog has rendered us all bark-less! We are hoping for the big dog pound in the sky to rescue us soon as we see no way out!!
Good to have you back. Since I’m no writer I’ll leave you a picture or two to show my gratitude.
Annelis--you may not know this but your Tweetie cartoon is somewhat prophetic!! The Comet Ison this November and December will be showing us a great sign in Libra constellation--this is the balances which the cartoon is showing--Libra is a balance of justice and judgment!
I’ve learned something new today too.