Okay, so my mom is what I would call a "crack head" (no she doesn't use drugs anymore but I'm certain she has some major issues b/c of her past drug use). For example, one time I got a Christmas card that said "Merry Christmas My name, husband's name, Angela, Junior, Emma, and Katie." Okay, nothing wrong with that....except my kids names are Angelia, Omar (in no way is he a junior), Emily, and GRACIE. I just looked at her and said, "uh mom....who is Katie?" Mind you, these were the only grandkids she had at the time and Gracie was 3 months old. It really should be illegal to have children without a license!

Okay, so that should give you an idea of what I am dealing with here. Last week, my mother finally sent my little brother (14 yrs old) to stay with me (we live hours apart and I've always been in disagreeance with his "psychological" diagnoses and medication so we argue about that, she says he has ADHD and I say he just has behavioral problems b/c she is a lousy mother and that she would rather him be a zombie than have to raise him). So for the first time in 4-5 years I've had my brother over (mind you we live hours apart). He is staying for the whole summer. My mind was blown when I found this out and I had no idea why all of a sudden she sends him.

Then I get a call from her last night (after a week of having him) and she starts crying and telling me that I need to have a talk with my little brother b/c she has been keeping a secret from him. His father, whom he has never met (partially b/c my mother wouldn't let his father see him) passed away in December. And she has known since December and has not told anyone.

So, tonight, guess what I get to do :( Yep, that is why she sent him to me. My little brother's counselor has been telling her for months that she needs to tell him about his father and she doesn't want to. So she took the easy way out and sent him to me.

He is a very sensitive kid and the fact that he does not know his father has always bugged him, and now I have to tell him that he is never going to get the chance to meet him. Please keep him in your prayers for me that he will feel the love from his Heavenly Father during this time and that I will find the right words to say it. And pray that he doesn't build up anger against my mother for not letting him see his father while he was alive, and for not telling him in December that his father passed so that he could go to the funeral.

And if you read this far, thank you!

Email: ryadon@ymail.com

Praying for you and your little brother Sparkles. That's a tough situation to be in, but it sounds like you may be the best person to tell him actually? I pray that you find the write words to say that will bring the truth and comfort to him. Good luck and hugs

Praying for your brother and the situation. - But you cracked me up with the story of the kids names being wrong - I know that's serous but at the same time it's hilarious.

Just a side note: I know you know a LOT more than me about psycology - well - basically I know nothing but when my son was young, his doctor (and teacher) diagnosed my son with ADHD. So, we did what we were told and put him on ritalin. I couldn't get past not feeling right about that. The (laymans) definition of ADHD is not being able to keep your attention on one thing at a time for a period of time. MY definition became - not GETTING enough of the RIGHT attention. I took my son off of ritalin and began having a focused relationship with him. When he would talk to me, I would stop what I was doing, look at him and talk with him. When I hugged him, I would really hug him and let him know that he was special to me...different things like that but you get the idea. Sounds exactly like what your brother could be experiencing. IMHO (is that right - I haven't used that abbreviation before and couldn't remember what it was )

You've had a rough life, Sparkles. It's very difficult to be in this world with bad parenting, but it looks like the Lord has been there to help you in spite of it. I saw what you read in Jonathan's thread about trusting people, and I responded to it.

I am so sorry what you are going through, and your brother, also. Thank God he has a sister who cares and who understands. You have a lot on your shoulders right now, trying to be a parent to your brother and to have the responsibility to tell him about his father when it is your mother's responsibility to do that. I am assuming that she is not saved and is drowing in her life. It looks like she can't cope with too much and she needs help herself. Usually people take drugs in the first place to hide from the pain in their own lives because they can't face it.

My prayer is for healing for you for your past (and present) trials, for healing for your brother (and you) from bad parenting and for not knowing his father, and for salvation and healing for your mother. I pray that you will find the right words to tell him, and that he will feel the Father's love surrounding him when you do.

Love and hugs to you, sis.

Sparkles, before I posted this, I sent a prayer up to the Lord for you and your brother.
There are no coincidences with God. Evidently your brother is there
For God's Will to be done. It's not an easy task that you have Sis,
but the Lord placed this Psalm on my heart just for you;
Take heart, all will be well.
Love you Much.

Psalm 32:6-11
Psa 32:6 Therefore, let everyone who is godly pray to You in a time when You may be found; Surely in a flood of great waters they will not reach him.

Psa 32:7 You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble; You surround me with songs of deliverance. Selah.

Psa 32:8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you.

Psa 32:9 Do not be as the horse or as the mule which have no understanding, Whose trappings include bit and bridle to hold them in check, Otherwise they will not come near to you.

Psa 32:10 Many are the sorrows of the wicked, But he who trusts in the LORD, lovingkindness shall surround him.

Psa 32:11 Be glad in the LORD and rejoice, you righteous ones; And shout for joy, all you who are upright in heart.

Yes, I was intending a bit of a laugh. Sometimes that's all you can do to try to lighten things up when life gets too rough. That story is actually one of my favorites when it comes to the level of sanity in my biological family.

Yes, I am DEFINATELY more qualified than she, but that hard part is that I have not seen my brother in 4-5 years so there is basically no level of trust/communication at this point. This type of thing really should come from someone who knows the person well enough to find the right words. Since each person is different, the approach is always different and I just don't know him well enough to know which direction to go. BUT, with that note, my mother is nuts. She wants me to take him to the beach alone and tell him. Here is me: "Uh NO. He loves the beach, why would I want to tell him at the beach so that everytime he goes there he remembers the time he found out his father was dead?" (insert smiley pulling out her hair).

And I agree 1000000000% with you! Too many people these days would rather throw psych meds down kids instead of giving them the time and attention they need and teaching them proper behavior! So with you on that one! And as a therapist, I like people like you who want to find a healthier solution than psych meds! Even my pediatrician for my kids knows not to give my kids perscriptions, which he enjoys b/c I'm probably the only patient he can give his "Indian" remedies too....LOL (but hey, they work and have a whole lot less side effects).

On a side note, have you ever noticed that most of the recent "crazy" people who are shooting up schools and theaters are all on psych meds? Hmm, THIS should make people open their eyes to how bad those meds are!

Email: ryadon@ymail.com

Thank you NCIC and Lisaleenie for your prayers. I have to admit, my life is perfect. All the bad things that happened to me taught me a lot of really good things. Jesus never let me go through anything alone. I knew Him as a child long before I knew His name b/c He was there with me. I do not think I would be the person I am today, the person God intended I be, if I had not learned some of those lessons. And how would I be able to help those going through what I did, if I could not truly identify with them? I still don't think life has handed me anything worse than it handed Jesus, if he can take the cross, I can handle what life hands me, b/c I know on the other side, something much better is waiting for me. All of us have rough lifes, we just have different rough lifes. And those whose lifes are "better" are typically those who are lost b/c they have no need to lean on God. :)

Thank you all for your prayers.

Email: ryadon@ymail.com

Thank you Sunbrightstar! :)


Yes, my poor brother had no idea what he walked into. It's been "Bible this" and "Bible that" since he got there! LOL. Even my 11 yr old son tells him to get off the video games after a certain amount of time or else "it becomes an idol" Hahaha...cute!

He is saved, so is my mother (she is just on a lower level of santification than most and needs a little extra TLC). He is fascinated with the "end of the world stuff" which gets talked about a lot at my house b/c even my kids and hubby believe we are in the end times (though my hubby would rather NOT know b/c all the bad stuff happening to him stresses him out, I guess that would be normal if you are charged with the safety and health of six other human beings). So I am sure God has sent him here to prepare him for what is coming, he is definately learning a lot and wanting to know more. I hope he takes it all home and teaches his mom (our mom).

Thank you for the Psalms

Email: ryadon@ymail.com

Sparkles, praying for you and your younger brother.
I'm so sorry you are going through this, but God's will be done. We cannot always understand how God works in our lives and we must just trust Him sometimes.
Maybe your brother through the grace of God will come to know that He alone is our true father.

Sometimes our Earthly parents fall very far short of what parents should be. Not to say we need to be subject to their crazy ways, but we can still forgive them and honor them with great compassion. Praying that God sends both of you the grace to be healed from this trying experience. ♥

Hi Sparkles, Praying for you and your brother too. When I read this it sounded a lot like what we just went through so hope you don't mind if I share it with you!

About a month ago me and my hubby spent 10 days with our 13 year old nephew, that is also on meds for ADHD (?), and we had not been around him for 4 years. He told me that he did not want to take his med because he thought he was fine without it. I told him that I was going to let him handle that and I do not think he took it the whole time he was with us. He did great and we had a nice visit. I was able to witness to him over the course of the visit as stuff came up and he was really an enjoyable guest! My hubby had another side of the story though as he broke a few things accidentally, plugged up the toilet, blah blah but I thought he was pretty good all in all!

He also lost his dad, actually was adopted as an infant and then lost his adopted dad to suicide when he was pretty young. We have spent a lot of time with him over the years on visits during the summer,and my hubby has taught him how to shoot, ride minibikes etc., and he is dead set on joining the military, some branch, when he is of age.

I think that it is really great that your brother can spend time with your family and I am sure it will leave a very lasting impression on him.

Praying that our Lord gives you the words to say and will bring peace to your brother's heart about his dad.

Pray's for you and your brother Sparkles. Your brother may not have known his earthly father but his Heavenly Father will take good care of him. He is blessed to have a sister like you, who can lead him in the right direction.

Oh, Sparkles, I understand. And the responsiblity all falls on you. Please know you and your little brother are in my prayers. I'm in agreement with RitaMay. He has his heavenly Father, whom none can take him away from. It's important for your little brother to know that too.

Sparkles,

So sorry to hear what you are going through right now. I think it was a blessing in disguise, because your little brother is in perfect caring hands with you. He will definitely get his emotional needs met with you taking care of him during the summer. My prayers are that you and your little brother will bond very closely and that you can help his behavioral problems improve without the medication. You have knowledge and are experienced and you have the necessary resources to help your little brother out during this difficult time. I feel that God needs to be there for your little brother and I know some good is going to come out of the situation. I feel sad for what your little brother has had to endure and witness. Nothing is impossible with God and I know in my heart that he will get better. You are a wonderful christian role model and mother and God will be there to guide you with your brother's needs.
I will keep you and your dear family in prayer. God bless you my dear sister..

Hugs and Love your way,
AngelWings7

Sparkles, I am praying for you, your brother, and your whole family.

Your description of your mother reminds me of my own (although it was alcohol, as opposed to narcotics). Very difficult to be "raised" by a parent with those kinds of issues and the oft-subsequent kind of disregard they develop for their offspring as they battle their own demons.

When I was 14, I was sent to live with my older sister (8.5 years older than me). Well, actually....I wasn't really "sent" as much as I was kept off the streets by her when my mom decided to leave the country and run to Trinidad to follow her boyfriend who had been deported for selling drugs...but, I digress.

It was tough on my sister and her husband. They had no children of their own at that time, and became parents overnight - to me. My bro-in-law had been part of our family since I was 6, and had always made it a point to be very kind to me, so it was easy to view them both as parental figures....to some degree. I'd been accustomed to running wild and raising myself for the previous 5 years before they ended up with me, so it was a lot of work for them to reel me back in to a life of rules and restrictions, and a lot of work for me to learn to allow them to be authority figures. It was tough. But we all loved each other, and did our best, and made it through.

I thought the arrangement was going to be temporary, because my mom promised to come back by Christmas. Guess who got to tell me *on Christmas morning* that my mother had just called and announced she'd married her boyfriend and was NOT, in fact, coming home? Yep, that would be my big sister.

I feel for you, and your brother. And your spouse and children, too. Thank God your brother has you. My sister and her husband saved my life, probably. We just lost him on Saturday to cancer, and so I am especially focused on remembering all of the very important roles he played in my life. And I am so, so very thankful to have had them when my mom abandoned me, and at many other times over the years as well.

I agree...try to find a place to tell him that doesn't really mean anything to him. A park you never have to visit again?....The laundry room?...I feel for you because last week I kept trying to figure out where/when to tell my kids that their favorite uncle was dying. I kept wanting to make sure I didn't tell them while they were eating or when the TV was on in the background because I didn't want them to forever associate a certain food or program with the memory. In the end, I told them outside, separately, while doing mundane things like watering the lawn.

Sorry for the novel...just wanted to give you some insight from the perspective of an adult who was once a kid in a very similar circumstance to your brother's. I will be praying for you all. Best wishes, and God bless you for being strong and courageous in his life when he has no one else. He has no idea right now how much that will mean to him later in life.

Praying Sparkles. :hugs:

Rest in the Lord through all of this. He will strengthen you.

Isiah 40:31,biblegateway

Psalm 34:18



Jereimiah 31:25



Isiaih 40:29



"for educational and discussion purposes only"

SPARKLES,



THE ANGELS ARE SURROUNDING YOUR LITTLE BROTHER

Yes, the earth is a tough place.

Blessed be YHWH
to take us out of here

Praying Sparkles, for you and your brother

Daniel

I love the angel pic, AW7!
Praying for you, Sparkles, and your brother, and YOUR family, and your mother.

I just keep hearing my daddy say in my mind, "That Little Gal's had a tough row to hoe (sigh). But she'll make it, sheee'll make it!
Love,
Patti Day, the adopted girl : )

Thank you everyone. I was blessed with the right words to say at the right time and yes, I took him to a park that he will likely NEVER see again. Since he was too young to remember his dad I just started out asking what type of feelings he has regarding his father, and then we talked about that, and then I told him about his father (because I knew him and actually liked him), and about the time I took my brother to see him, and about how happy his dad was to see him, hold him, play with, etc. Then I told him that I was very sorry to tell him this but that his father passed away (back in DECEMBER). He asked "oh, is that why my mom started crying when she read that letter?" Ugh, why couldn't she just have told him?

Ruth, I have a very similar story, which I'm going to share here, now. When I was eight, I finally told a family friend (his name is Jesse) that my biological father had been molesting me for years, I was so filled with anger, at myself, at my mom for allowing it, at my dad for doing a, at the world in general. I remember to this day, the expression on his face. He just started bawling his head off. From that day on, he watched over me. He took me in (he was only 16 himself at that time)and he enrolled me in school as his "daughter" and ever since then I have gone by his last name (even after getting married, I couldn't bring myself to change it, it reminds me of the degree of sacrifice that this man made for me). I wasn't easy to raise, but he did an outstanding job! I turned out well, I must say....LOL j/k.

I never understood why he reacted the way he did, and why he took me in and raised me. One day when I got older, I asked him why he did it. He told me that when he was six years old, he and his older brother (2 yrs older, his name was Daniel)were at an uncle's house and the uncle told Jesse to take his pants down. His brother, Daniel, pushed him in a closet and told the uncle no. And while Jesse hid in a closet, Daniel was molested. This went on for years. Daniel ended up dying with AIDS when I was 15 years old. Daniel sacrificed himself to save Jesse, and Jesse then felt like I was his chance to "pay it forward." He said he had no choice but to sacrifice himself to save me. My youngest son's name is Daniel. There is no greater love, than to lay down your life for another human being. Daniel and Jesse are my living examples of Christ's love. Maybe, it is now my time to make a sacrifice to save another, I could only hope to be so blessed.

God has always been in control in my life, and I can easily see it. I can't wait to thank Daniel in Heaven for what he did, b/c it saved not only Jesse's life but mine as well.

Oh just writing this testimony makes me want to go home to where true love exists! Please Lord don't let it be much longer!

Email: ryadon@ymail.com

He is very blessed to have you,Sparkles.

Keep showing the love of Jesus because I'm sure that means more than words can say for him.

Sparkles - your story literally brought tears to my eyes and gave me chills. SUCH a powerful account! Thank you so much for sharing it.

I'll be praying for Jesse's family, too.

Oh Sparklles, reading all you are going thru and reading Jesse and Daniel's story brought tears to my eyes. I'd cry my head off iif my son wasn't in the room. I just can not fathom the depths of God's grief over the things that humans are doing to each other. :( In highschool I ended up taking responsibility for my brother. Basically I had been mothering him since I was four and he was two. My mom had debilitating depression, Dad was emotionally unavailable, angry and a drinker. When Mom left Dad and eventually remarried, I thought things would get better but step-dad was wonderful when he was sober, which wasn't often. :( I was molested by an older cousin and didn't tell for years... I know God's had his hand on me, there is no other explanation for me not being an addict or dead by now. (I lived thru a dark period of dark, suicidal depression) I had very little exposure to church as a kid and did not come to know the Lord until I was almost thirty. Looking back I can see where God was working in my life. Sorry to highjack your thread! LOL Anyway, I'm thankful that you were able to be there for your brother and that your talk went well. I'll be praying for him and your mom. Strongholds are awful. I've been reading a couple of books that have really helped. Bondage Breakers and ATime To Heal. Great materials on strongholds and how to break them. :)

Sparkles - #1 - So glad it went well with your brother - I know God was holding your hand the whole time.

I'm visiting family so don't have a lot of time and just glanced through posts here - haven't been able to read all but AW7 - so right - this certainly was a God thing.

Sparkles - you made me cry - I love ya sis, you have amazing strength and have overcome so gracefully!

Well done all of you and those who stood up for the innocents.

Email: TxThom@raptureintheairnow.com

Sparkles, Ruth and Cporter, it's with tears I send BIG Hugs to you. Praying for all of you, and Jesse too. God's peace be with you.

Perhaps the Lord will come for us today!

Revelation 21:4
"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away."