These words may seem strange and mean, but actually, the meaning behind them is so touching you might need to grab a tissue. The blog post below has been going viral... and you'll soon see why.

Less and less people in the world realize the value, importance and seriousness of a marriage. But, those who keep God and love in the center of their marriage, will.

"I’m a ridiculous, emotional, over-sentimental sap.

I guess that’s why I told my wife I loved her on our second date. I had tried really hard up to that point to hold it back, honestly. I wanted to tell her on the first date, but I knew that would probably be weird. I still remember her reaction. She kind of gave me this half-shy, half-amused smile. Then she nodded and looked off into the sky..."

After two months of dating, we were engaged. Three months after that, we were married. And that whole time I was swooning. This fire was burning in me, a fire that burned just like that second date: I was in love. But then we got married, and everything changed. Marriage, quicker than I was ready for, did this thing: it started sucking away that emotion. I tried so hard to keep that fire going, to keep that emotion alight, but it got harder and harder. I mean, how you can feel that burning love when you’re sitting at the table discussing how to use the last twenty dollars in your bank account? How can you feel it when you get into an argument? How can you feel it when you think it makes perfect sense to put your socks on the floor after you’re done with them, and she has this crazy idea that they need to go in the laundry basket? There was no way I could keep that dating fire burning as practicality invaded our lives.

And at first, it drove me nuts. That emotion meant love! That excitement was how I knew I cared for her! But suddenly, life was this grind. Even when I was with her. Especially when I was with her.

And even worse, it seemed that the harder I tried to be sentimental and lovey-dovey, the less it was reciprocated. But it wasn’t that she wasn’t giving me love, it just seemed to come at different times. Like, when I offered to do the dishes. Or make dinner after she had a hard day.

Or, once we had a daughter, when I shared the responsibility of watching over her. I don’t think I noticed this consciously for a while. It just kept happening. But I think it had an effect on me. Because as our marriage progressed, I found myself offering to help out around the house more and more. And after each time, there would be this look she would give me. This look of absolute love. One that was soft and so beautiful. It took me longer than I care to admit to understand what was happening. But eventually it became clear.

Through giving, through doing things for my wife, the emotion that I had been so desperately seeking naturally came about. It wasn’t something I could force, just something that would come about as a result of my giving. In other words, it was in the practicality that I found the love I was looking for. And what was even more interesting was that once I realized this on a conscious level, and started trying to find more opportunities to give, the more we both, almost intuitively, became lovey-dovey.

And now, as I’m a bit older and a bit more experienced with this relationship, I’ve finally come to realize something. Something I haven’t wanted to admit for a long time, but is undeniable.

I didn’t love my wife on that second date.

I didn’t love her when we got engaged.

I didn’t even love her when we got married. Because love isn’t an emotion.

That fire I felt, it was simply that: emotional fire. From the excitement of dating a woman I felt like I could marry. But it wasn’t love. No, love isn’t an emotion or even a noun.

It’s a verb. Better defined as giving. As putting someone else’s needs above your own. Why wasn’t I getting reciprocal lovey-doveyness when we were first married? Because it wasn’t for her.

It was for me. An emotion I had in my chest.

And even when I let it out of my chest, it wasn’t love. Being sappy isn’t love. Telling someone you love them doesn’t mean that you do. And that’s why my wife just gave me that half-smile.

She knew, even if I didn’t, what love really is. And now that I’ve tried to change the way I look at love, the more I become shocked at the messages of love I had gotten when I was younger. From Disney movies to my favorite shows like “The Office” to practically every pop song released, love is constantly sold as an emotion we have before we’re married. An emotion that, once had, somehow magically stays within a marriage forever.

I can’t imagine a bigger lie. And I’m saddened to think about how much those messages bounced around in my head for so long. And how much I’m sure those messages are bouncing around in other people’s heads as well.

I think that might be a big part of the reason the divorce rate is so high in this country. Imagine a whole nation of people constantly chasing the emotions they had when they were dating. A country of people trying to live a Disney movie. That’s a recipe for disastrous marriages; for a country with a 50% divorce rate; for adultery (the classic attempt to turn the fire back on); for people who do stay together to simply live functional, loveless marriages. It’s sad to see just how common all the above is.

How many people are in pain simply because they’ve been lied to. Those people deserve better.

We all deserve better. It’s time that we changed the conversation about love.

It’s time that we redefine it. Because until we do, adultery will continue to be common.

Loveless marriages.

Divorce.

Living Disney movies in our minds, and tragedies in our lives."

Marriages are sacred... and so is love.
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That was beautiful.

very true.
about giving. and giving again. and a bit more forgiving.

not for the faint hearted, thats for sure. or if you're a bit selfish / self-willed (guilty as charged)


just had a kind of harsh talk with a woman i know, who is considering separating because she no longer feels 'in love' with a husband of 12 plus years.
i thought you're not supposed to be 'in love' at this point. thats a delusional bonding phase.
she says herself she loves him and he's a good man who has stuck by her through many many issues and depression etc etc But put your family through all that misery and upheaval for what? i am already divorced from my first (shotgun) marriage. age 21. to say i was clueless is putting it mildly. thank God amends were made. and accepted. and our daughter is a joy and close to both of us still. blessing despite our immaturity.

i kind of came down quite hard, because its just so nuts. that people want out because they miss the in love bit.
surely having a best friend relationship with someone you love and trust is as good as it gets??
hopefully not completely unattracted to. but even then it goes is phases. ooops, hope i'm not sounding too bitter. maybe a little. forgive me Lord.

way too many of us have had such crazy unrealistic idealistic notions of marriage that have so little to do with the reality. i wished someone had told me a few home truths, so i didn't have to find out the hard way. if i hadn't been so far away from God i might have avoided some more of my parents' mistakes, but i didn't. not all. Life is easier when we seek His will first. and don't bail when we 'feel' like it. Thank God He is mighty to forgive, and show mercy no matter how badly we have messed up. He holds short accounts of our sins. maybe i should too.

Email: christinamolloy@hotmail.com

RitaMay, I really liked that. That was so honest. I think when we first meet our partner and future spouse, it's more infatuation than true love. Afterall, how are we to know what true love is at a young age? To us, we confuse love with infatuation. I think it's like that for many and unless there is an abusive partner in a marriage, where God says, "get out", we all think marriage is a high and romantic all the time. What is romantic to one peson may not be considered romantic to another. Love is something we learn.
I can't speak for a man, but for a woman, the surprise flowers, diamond earrings, etc. are beautiful. But at the end of the day, it's those little things we come to appreciate. What is considered a mindless gesture to someone else, may mean the world to another.
I believe my husband and me are more romantic than we've ever been. But that depends on ones definition of romance. For example, he is thrilled when it's a cold day in winter and I make homemade, manly chicken soup and have a fresh loaf of Italian bread from the bakery with a fresh baked pie for dessert. Or when he replaced my bathroom sink and redid all the plumbing without me being here meant the world to me. It was a huge surprise to me....or when one of us gets up before the other and puts the coffee on and makes breakfast or even toast for the other or cleans the snow off the other car so they don't have to and warms it up. I could go on and on and there are too many things to list but do you know what I mean? Those things are love to me and I so appreciate them and so does my husband. Til this day, we still thank eachother for what some would consider little, mindless things that we would normally take for granted. These are just some of our favorite things...

I like the scene from the old Yours, Mine, and Ours movie when Henry Fonda is explaining to one of the teenage girls, "life isn't a love in, it's the dishes and the orthodontist and the shoe repair man. It isn't going to bed with a man that proves you're in love with him, it's facing the everyday drab world with him that counts! " Love & trust are important in any long term relationship, but in marriage to me it is the oil in the engine so to speak. It allows me and my husband to put up with each other.

Yes, RitaMay, Sis, that was beautiful!

And Shiloh, Sis, that was beautiful, too!!

Love you Ladies!
Patti : )

Website: Check out this video on YouTube: www.youtube.com/watch?v=QopzID7EltI&feature=youtube_gdata_player Sent from my iPhone

I think one of our cultures biggest mistakes is calling all different types of "love" by the same word. Even in our Bible translations. Eros is typically how people fall in love, but agape takes work, wisdom and time. Try putting Eros into 1 Corinthians 13 and it really doesn't work. But agape does, as it was originally written.

This was a great topic, well written, and true. It made me think of Fiddler on the Roof:

Email: TxThom@raptureintheairnow.com

Oh, that scene is so cute! Fiddler On The Roof is one of my favorite movies. I have that movie.
I agree with what you are saying, TX Thom. Agape love is different. God demonstrates HIS agape love. It is all encompassing, no strings attached. When HE gave Israel the land without conditon...that's agape love. When Jesus laid down His life for us and took upon Himself our sins, that's agape love. When God, our Heavenly Father gave His only begotten Son for us, that's agape love.
That kind of love is too wonderful to fully understand for me, as a human being. I would give everything but to think of it in the sense that God Himself did that all for us! HE is God! Our Creator and Creator of the heavens and earth and all living things. He could have easily wiped us out and said, "Forget it."
Have you ever thought of that verse..?:
"So the LORD said, “I will blot out man whom I have created from the face of the land, man and animals and creeping things and birds of the heavens, for I am sorry that I have made them.” (Genesis 6:7)

I've thought about that verse many times. The grief and sadness God must have felt and still does. Oh, I can't even imagine how His heart breaks. I think, "How can YOU love us, LORD?"....
Which begs another question. Why did God create us? Is it to demonstrate His love? I think so. All I know is that I can't wait to fall at Jesus' feet and be held by our Heavenly Father. Praise won't be an endless, boring worship service. It will be something beyond the kind of joy we can imagine on earth. I know we will never want it to end and my hear sings when I think about it.

Wow....have to correct my spelling much? Don't ever lay down wih your laptop and try to type.

I loved this. God has been showing me what love really is and I agree with the original post. I'm also a bit bitter at much of the world today. I don't see real love very much it seems. I see a lot of people that worship arousal and emotional highs more than love. This is one reason why I think God arranged marriages for his people, he was the ultimate matchmaker.

Ideally, people now-a-days go out if they find each other attractive/desirable, and get married when they "fall in love" (a feeling that can easily change). For those who haven't dated in a while it can be really discouraging how much of a meat market it is out there. So far dating has all been for naught for me, because society has set the standards pretty high. If you aren't good looking enough, aren't smooth as honey, and don't give the other person the "warm lovey fuzzes," you're easily expendable and ignored. This has been my experience time and time again, and I think this is common in the dating world. Did God intend it to be like this?? I think not! Getting in the arena of dating for most people produces rejection until you find that (one) 'soul mate," that you can ride off into the sunset with. Normally after a few years of marriage reality sets in, if not sooner. Also why divorce rates are so high.

I've been loved much more unconditionally by my friends and parents than anyone I've ever dated. Heck, I've been loved more by my dog than by anyone I've ever dated. I say if I someone wants to date/marry me that have to (at least) be able to love me as much as my dog. :)

But back to God being the ultimate matchmaker. I think, ideally, arranged marriages were God's idea of how unconditional love could be cultivated. You don't pick a partner based on how much they turn you on, you don't pick them based on a emotional high. God gives you someone of his chosing that has proven to be stable and mature. Mature people walk day by day in the truth of God, and while arranged marriages may seem awkward, you are meant to learn to love the person, faults and all, and love them like Jesus loved the Church! From my experience, people only date others whom they idolize and feel like complete them. Problem is no one is perfect for us, no matter how hard we want to believe it, and only God completes us. I'd say in today's world, the best of both worlds would be not to use dating on a trial basis. It puts way too many people through the dating meat grinder, and even if it's one person, that is one too many. I'd say dating should not be rushed into lightly, only if the couple already is very close, and Marriage is meant to be forever.

On a final note, God has been showing me real love must be proven. Can you imagine if Jesus, after saying how much God loved the world, that when it came time for Him to be crucified he said, "They aren't worth it." and ascended back into Heaven then and there? He could have done it, but he proved otherwise. We are taken to a whole new level of intimacy with God or anyone we chose when we prove that we care about them with our actions. In a marriage this is a choice we make everyday, and again, not one to be made lightly. And the spouse normally knows when you're faking it. :P

Ah! Agape love, like TX Thom mentioned. Part of the problem is everyone doesn't want to make the commitment anymore. I'm not in any way referring to abusive relationships that people should get out of. I'm talking about, "I'm bored and want out"..."this is too hard"..."I want to go and have fun",etc." kind of relationships.
Look at who people look up to and admire. Hollywood. They aren't exactly the picture perfect (no pun intended) type of people who work at marriage. Is it any surprise that almost all of them remarry several times and keep getting divorced? No one wants to commit and commitment takes work. It is all worth it though and I wouldn't trade my marriage for anything. The Lord has really blessed me with a wonderful man. I hope I am returning his loving kindness.

I've so enjoyed reading all your feedback on my post. I think Fiddler on the roof nailed it! As did many other posts here, wish I could answer them all.

It's sad that we don't have teaching on the next most important decision of our lives. The first accepting Jesus as our Lord and savior of course. Marriage is supposed to be "till death do us part," yet even among Christians its till "I don't love you anymore." Which proves we never under stood what love is in the first place.

I'm guilty, sad to say I learned the hard way...long story but I was selfish and was addicted to romance, or addicted to love as some call it. Always looking for that high that you feel when you first fall in love. Or should we call it what it is..lust or infatuation. It never lasts very long and soon you are looking for the next high. Just like a drug wreaking havoc on peoples lives. I thankfully got delivered and found my second husband was my best friend as well as the most faithful man I'd ever met. He's not a Christian but better than most Christian men I've met, and I've met a lot of them. He has all the qualities a Christian man should have, but sadly still needs to give His life to Christ. I'm sure he belongs to Jesus he just doesn't know it yet.

Find a best friend and build on that before you marry for any other reason. That's a good start, oh and study Corinthians the love chapter you all know it. This kind of love never fails.