I really did not want to write this post about me, I feel that I have spoken to death my struggles. But I do not know how to otherwise explain what I want without drawing on my experiences. So here goes-

It has been nearly 10 tens since my break down. 10 years since those days when I felt so sad. Depression, sadness and pain. But above all, the worst was the feeling of been totally alone. Alone in myself, alone in the darkness.

Never run a person down, never yoke them with a burden of guilt or a burden of negativity, for the long term results destroy. A famous saying- “Give me the child until 7, and I will show you the man”.

What we do and what we say to one another be it a child or an adult has lasting effects.

It used to hurt me; I feel I can share this with you all. When I was broken and in the middle of my depression, the pain that I inflicted upon my body really hurt, my self afflicted abuse . And I felt glad in my silly twisted way, why? Because I felt I deserved it. I was an evil person, unworthy of love. It had to be done, it was my punishment. I guess when you mix razor blades and the human body you are going to get hurt. And because I was a man, that is what I attacked, the things that made me a man.

How sad. And why did this happen?

The yoke of negativity, that’s why

I was always put down as a child; I lived in my brother’s shadow. Basically I would never measure up, and I was told this constantly. One of my relatives was gay, and because I was a soft child I was always told I would end up as such. It might be hard for many to understand, I do not despise my family, I love them dearly.

Then it was the abuse from a family friend which I have told you all about, I won’t go there again.

I always vowed that I would break the mould, to be different from how I was brought up as a child. I would care more and love more etc. But true change can only occur through knowing God.

Been married was important to me, I was saved and had 3 beautiful children. Man I loved it. But it is funny when you look back on things in hindsight how you can see things differently. What was the thing I now see differently? Anger

I was never abusive or raised my hand, but the one thing I never dealt with was anger. Anger is a large off spring of what I still carried around, Guilt.

Sure I would fly off the handle some days and say something that should not be said, and 5 minutes later regret my actions. But my anger was internal. Because I regretted my actions I would then feel guilty, I would blame myself. Self guilt is the spin off to someone that has been put down; yes it is your fault again!!! Everyone has told you so, try harder.

It is funny how in this world us people have our own little escapes, our little things that we do to try and hide away. Some immerse them selves into hobbies, or activities that make them feel special. Some do other things to try and dull the pain, the pain of reality. Booze, drugs, affairs etc, this world has broken people living within and each are trying to find an escape or be it a meaning. Before to long some are addicted to a cycle, a tread mill as such, but because they do not feel anymore it feels good for the short term.

When my life was full of pressures and wants my little escape came in the form of those dirty little magazines or web sites. Ohh yes the escape from reality. And every time it ended reality hit like a ton of bricks. Guilt. So you try harder, you escape more into the world that gives you the reality break. But guess what? Reality catches up, and when it hit this Aussie man, I felt like the lowest form on this earth.

Can you see satan in all of this?

I had betrayed my wife, though I had not had an affair with another living person, I had betrayed my God whom I worshipped on Sundays with raised hands. Every where I turned I could not look people in the eye, for guilt was raining down on me.

So in simple terms I ended up in hospital. It all fell apart one day. The evil one had spun the greatest net around me, guilt, shame and the feeling of been un worthy. I was always told this, now I totally believed it.

Please read the above paragraph again, as this is the meaning of this story.

I will always remember getting the phone call in hospital, “do not come home, our marriage is finished”. I fell apart brothers and sisters, I truly did. When I ended up in hospital, the truth came out about everything and this hurt not only me but my wife. I understand her decisions, for every action that we do there is a consequence. I had over stepped the line.

10 years ago, Wow. A lot of tears in between.

I have come so far since those days, I have dealt with everything. I am a lucky man to be able to sit here and write to you this letter. It almost feels now that it was someone one else, not me. But I always want it to be me, I have to remember it all, why? So hopefully I can help someone else. It is all about Gods love.

So what have I learnt-

1. I am a sinner, the worst of them all
2. My precious Lord Jesus, my Father in heaven loves me more than anything else.
3. My precious Lord loves the person that I am, actually he always loved me, I just never knew it
4. My precious Lord has forgiven me though I do not deserve his mercies
5. My precious Lord understands me like no other
6. My precious Lord was with me and cried along side me in those times
7. I am his child, and he never tells me anything other than that I am worthy and truly loved.

I am his, pure and simple

So my message to you today is this-
Before we speak, before say things in haste when frustrated, are we speaking in love? Are we speaking in words that will build up, or destroy? The long reaching side effects of things said to children and to adults can be like throwing a yoke of guilt, shame and negativity around someone’s neck. And after a while the person starts to believe what has been said to them, satan wins in the end.

God loves us all and see us as precious. And that is how we should treat each other.

I love you all my dear brothers and sisters.

IF ANYONE IS STRUGGLING OR NEEDS TO TALK IN PRIVATE, I CAN BE CONTACTED BY EMAIL THROUGH LYNN HERE AT RITA. I AM NO DOCTOR NOR TRAINED, BUT MAYBE MY WORDS MAY HELP YOU IN YOUR JOURNEY. VICTORY TO OVERCOME REQUIRES CHRIST. CHRIST LOVES YOU AND SEES YOU AS PRECIOUS AND WORTHY, YOU ARE HIS BELOVED CHILD.

One thing I ask, that this story be not about me, but about the saving love, the transforming love of Jesus. To him be all the glory, praise and honour.

In his saving love / Paul

God bless you my friend for your honesty and wisdom. Reading your article I can relate in certain areas of having the same struggles and same guilt. I know what it can be like and thank you for sharing your testimony to others like me, its always a big encouragement to read that many have similar struggles in their life and that Jesus truly is the saving grace. I believe that God gets glory in many ways and one of them is when a person is transformed and changed over time and the work of the Lord is evident in their life and at the end of it all they raise their hands and thank God for saving them, showing them how far they have come, from who and where they were to who and where they are now. Praise the Lord!

Paul, this is a beautiful story of God's love and grace. I almost couldn't answer because there are no words to adequately reply. But I can relate in so many ways. Rejected by a spouse when down--this happened to me twice by the same lady--this has got to be one of the hardest things in life. She is in heaven now and I'm still here. I could go on about inadequacy--but it's easier to relinquish self than one saddled by too much self-esteem. The Lord gave me new life--like you. But like you said--it's not about you or me, but about Him: unfathomable grace, mercy and love.

Kirk777, Kman & Wendy, dear brothers and sister,

I tell my stories and share my heart for his glory. But I also do this in the hope that others will share their life stories as well.

We are all broken people restored in the love of Christ. When you share and let Christs love surround, chains fall off.

It may seem scary to open up in front of the world wide web, but the liberation of been set free in Christ overpowers.

Our churches are full of shiney plastic people, we all have the ability to be able to put on a good face, while on the inside we are hurting.

Stepping out into the light and showing everyone that you are just like them, helps all of Gods children to grow. It helps everyone to be in awe of Jesus's love, mercies and above all - grace.

Everyone of us has a story, and that story can not only be used to give glory to God, but to also reach out in love for another that struggles.

Bless you all my beautiful family

In his love / Paul

Dearest Paul,

I'm so sorry you've been through all this. How brave you are to throw the door wide open in order to help someone else. Yoe said it seemed now like it happened to someone else. Paul, it did. The real Paul has emerged like a butterfly from a dark cocoon. That was someone else. And now in a very healthy way you desire to help someone else.

That's exactly how God works. This area is now one in which you are qualified above all others. No one can understand or be empathetic to another (be real) like someone who has been there! When God heals us we become uniquely qualified for Him to use us. And that, too, helps both of you. I believe God wants to use you. That means someone needs help. And you are feeling that nudge to the point of taking a leap of faith and trusting Him to lead the way. I'm very proud of you. But also caution you,sister to brother.

I've been trained in Stephen Ministry. This is done through much training in many areas so we can walk along side another to see them through a difficult time in their journey. There are leaders and we aren't just thrown out there on our own. We arrange weekly meetings with our care receivers and once a month have all caregivers meet and report in--all very confidential of course. We have a caregiving Pastor on staff at church who heads all of us.. if problems come up she's our resource person with the answers(if professional help is indicated , financial needs, etc.) No one is left out there completely on their own. There's security in that. This is a very Christ -centered training and outreach.

Check with Churches around your area. This is an international organization. I see you both benefiting from this training and receiving training for ministry. The reason I say this is because we are taught boundaries as well..both for the caregiver and care receiver. You could possibly bite off more than you can handle yourself in certain instances where it would be nice to have assistance, feedback, and resources to fall back on.

I was a leader for quite awhile and found my calling in this ministry. It became very time consuming and I needed to step down from leadership but I'm not inactive. Our ministry is used in prayer concerns at Church and in other ways--like people coming to the pastor for healing services--to get annointed--to record the requests, pray during the week and follow up. Many care receivers come from this healing service. People can also come up with requests for others. They choose if they want to kneel or not, be annointed with oil or not and proceed to the elder and Pastor for prayer. Often Stephen ministers become an elder or deacon as well.

I confirm your calling but caution you to also look out for yourself. That's where the Check-ins are so beneficial. When you deal with depression there can be other needs present also as you found out yourself. Some may use you; manipulate you or you could face a suicide attempt. You're trained in these things--signs to watch for; how to handle such an occasion. I'll tell you right now as a leader, I'd never link a care giver with someone that deeply depressed because of concern for both people involved. That kind of depression needs professional help.

None of us are trained professionals. I just had a woman from Church approach me outside of Stephen's looking for advice regarding a co-worker she's concerned about. She told me two red flags where I stated no Stephen minister will be assigned this case. We don't deal with potential suicides. WE are not professionals, concern for a Stephen minister-- if the person was successful--impact on him or her and this is a Christ- centered ministry. We aren't able to reach a Muslim especially as he'd rejected her offer of prayer from her very emphatically.

What I did do is give her suggestions on what not to say that could negatively affect this man and a list of signs to watch for. We'd determined he was in the deep depression category ( as compared to mild or moderate) by reviewing this list in my leadership traing materials. He'd need professional help. So I advised her to meet with our caregiving Pastor for advice and potential referal to a professional. This lady is concerned he could try to take the office out with him. Claims she keeps sensing this. I told her to listen to that sense. It could be the Holy Spirit warning her to be alert. She'll feel better having an action plan and a phone number for an emergency if needed. In calling the police there's no way to know who he'd get to treat him. We both wanted a Christian therapist not at this point for conversion but to be sure he gets the right care and advice; not some far out stuff to make things worse. And hopefully, he'd see the hand of God at work and a potential spiritual breakthrough later. Atleast seeds planted.

I'm telling you these things to help you see ahead to possible issues you may not have considered yet. The proper training is important. It's scary should you be confronted with unplanned emergencies and you don't know what to do. There's also potential for being sued by family members if anything goes wrong or you encounter people looking for trouble to the point of making false accusations. We only link male to male or female to female. So look for a male linking to spare yourself grief there later. The internet can't succeed like a face -to- face loving, praying relationship. It needs a personal touch to express both sides. I wish you were here to recruit and begin training with our ministry team. You're just the person we'd love to have on the team. Forget your brother's shadow. God made you special and you've just proven that with this desire of your heart. And your brother can't touch what your willing to do. No he- men type need to apply. Ha! That's not completely true. Athletes and professional sports menfolk can surprise you as to what's under their skin! But this is your area to shine in.

------ I get side tracked here but will continue down the page----------

I, too, had the put downs and the comments regarding my younger brother who could do no wrong(he was a male-the only son). If he got in trouble it was because I wasn't watching him. (Substitute mom expectations in the neighborhood. ) We weren't even close in age and of course, had different playmates. I know the sting and sense of rejection; even blame--I was a girl. I was expected to do motherly chores and be another mother--like that would work!! Yes, self esteem issues come in to play, the self blame, the guilt.

I always thought it was me until as an adult I ran into a close neighbor who asked me how things were going since my mother's death with my brother. I told her how horrible it was going and I'll never forget her response! "I didn't think it would go well for you. Your brother was allowed to do whatever he pleased. My husband asked if he was ever disciplined or controlled (as a child.) It was always (his name this) and (his name that). Being the son put him in another category--he could do no wrong." Now Paul, this lady was also a dear friend to all of the family. I was floored--it wasn't just me feeling this, she was confirming recognizing what I'd been through and anticipating the outcome I was then going through then. By now, I was a grandmother and just realizing for the first time that it wasn't me--I really did live through what I thought all along was just me feeling this! That was a beautiful gift of freedom from this cloud over my head I'd been living all those years not understanding it wasn't me at all. How liberating!

------------

Our check-ins are so important and Christ-centered. Jesus is there with us revealing areas to find out more about or insights/wisdom. When two or three are gathered (or more) He's there with us. We are praying for guidance with each case. Often we help each other by seeing something the care receiver is missing because of being too deeply involved or too close to the situation. We look out for each other ; perhaps this situation is opening old wounds for the Stephen minister distorting care or risking self. That needs to be pointed out in gentle ways. We have guidance questions to help us determine these things. Perhaps they are things to think about or pray about. If professional help is needed our Pastor is brought in and she usually takes it from there. She's a very special lady with just the gentle touch. insight /wisdom and beautiful ways of saying things we'd trip all over trying to do ourselves. It's amazing to witness how the Holy Spirit works in this ministry and through each Stephen minister or leader. Sometime I may share my experiences but this is getting too long now.

I'd really love to see you have this opportunity to train and prepare for such a ministry. Often great friendships come out of these linkings. Leaders pray seeking His wisdom over who to link--sometimes there's no choice, but with a sufficient pool there is. Very Christ-centered.

For anyone else reading this and desiring a God-linked ministry personally linked by the Holy Spirit, please check on this ministry. Perhaps you are the one He wants to use to begin this program in your Church. Check out other Churches in your area to see if they are training Stephen Ministers. You could join in their program to train and then take that back to your Church.. Leadership training is done across America at several different sites each year. The ministry headquarters is in St. Louis, MO. Write and ask for information. These folks are terrific in what they do and would love to answer questions and set you up--talk to your pastors, whatever you need. The founder lost his wife to cancer, Each of us has some hurt God has brought us through which can be focused in serving Jesus to help another going through what you've been through.

It's too tough to take such an endeavor on without guidance training, resources and go- to people to assist the best outcome for both in a linking. We just don't know what we could get ourselves into.. Through the Church community, it protects you, too. Though we often get outside referals where we don't have that security net, though problems can develop there,too.

Love in Christ. VC

If interested in the address of this ministry in St Louis, MO, I'd be happy to supply that for this thread. Let me know folks.

Paul

I am still crying. You just told my story, give or take a few detours. I have been besieged by humiliation, belittlement and the like all my life, which ultimately led me to behaviors from which I felt shame. I work myself out of that hole every day. Some days I really struggle - today was one. Actually the last 3 days. But Jesus is here with me again now. Thank you brother. Jesus is Lord.

May God grant you His greatest mercies, as you already have His everlasting love,
Angela

Email: angela.shaver@earthlink.net

Well you can always know you will always be loved by your Rita Family!!!

I love you brother Paul you truly are a blessing and isn't it amazing how God takes our messes caused by Satan and turns them into a message for Gods Gory!!!

Website: www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=667676418&ref=profile

Dear brother Paul, I can relate to quite a bit of your pain. My heart does go out to you for what you went through. I deeply admire your courage to be so honest and open with the things you struggled with. You are a living testamony of God's love and grace. I am so touched and thrilled that the Lord brought you out of all that pain and made you into the exceptional man you are today. I am so proud to call you my brother.

Lots of love from your sis!!

Kirk777 dear Brother,

You are 100% right, to God be all the glory and praise. From birth unto death each of lives is a story, and if we yield to the wonders of our Lord our stories reflect his transforming power. Yes we all have done things that we feel ashamed about, but God can turn a story of sadness and struggles into a beautiful ending. To be able to raise our hands in awe of everything that he has done.

Kirk look at the great people of the bible; look at what they were and what they became after the touch of the God in their life. Murders, adulaters, thief’s etc etc. All these people are in the bible for a reason, and their stories are testament to the grace and mercies of Christ. To him be all the glory.

Kman dear bro,

One of the biggest liberating moments in my life was when I forgave. Forgiveness to everyone from childhood to present. The chains have simply no power to enslave anymore. A lot of people go through life saying “woe is me, feel sorry for me”. But they never move forwards, they are stuck in a time period forever. I have forgiven, but in the process I have hurt many also. We all have hurt others, but Christ can set us free even when others will not forgive. Some Christians think that to be a Christian you need to go around and feel lowly about yourself, to deny yourself etc. I reckon a lot take this out of context. Kman we are his children, we are his beloved. He wants us to feel loved and to know it deep in our inner core. And most importantly we are to express it in gladness and to feel bold. Simply put, we are loved regardless how we may feel about ourselves. Grace in action.

Wendy my dear Sister,

I read your post the other day regarding your video games etc. I remember reading about this a long time ago also. I deeply admire you Sis for the stand you are taking for him. Feel proud and know that you are loved by the most high King. Everyday I awake I have to deny my flesh to follow him, you are doing this and I am proud you are putting the Lord of your life first and he knows this Wendy. He knows your heart.
Our Lords love is shining through you, what an encouragement
Love ya Sis

Victory Chanter dear Sis,

Thank you for the reply, you took a lot of time to write this, thank you. VC have a look at you and where you have come from also. You have triumphed over your childhood that has had many pains to be a child of Christ that helps others in your special ministry.

Sis thank you for all the information and all the great advice. Some things you mentioned I never gave a thought too, you have opened my eyes to some of the issues faced. The problem I have is that I live in a rural town, so I am not blessed with the largeness of going somewhere close that has the Stephen Ministry. I wish I did.

Sis it really is on my heart to help others, it is the least I can do for him. I believe strongly that life’s experiences should be used to help others in need. To Christ be all the glory.

There are many people hurting that need a hand in love, and extending that hand may also inflict pain upon the giver. I understand this also. But without sounding idealistic, love and triumph does not come without paying a price, but the end goals are truly worth it. You are right though in everything that you say VC. I would like to know more about the Stephens Ministry if I am able.

True deliverance from our pasts can only come from Christ. It must be very hard to help others when they reject the basic message of Christ. It is a bit like putting on a bandage; the wound is covered, but has not healed.

Love ya VC dear Sis, my words cannot tell you enough what your post meant to me.

Angela my dear Sis,

The hole you talk about has already been filled in dear Sis. We are the ones that keeping digging into the ground, not him. We have a tendency of heaping the goals onto our own heads Angela.

Angela know this, that he loves you, he cares for you more than anything else that he has ever created. You Angela are his child. And when you are in that hole, Jesus is there with you catching your tears.

Sis, when I felt really down and had to stand back up I took on this train of thought. 2x steps forward 1x step backwards. What I mean by this is that knowing that there will be hard days. But every time we strive forwards we are gaining ground. And before to long you will take 3x steps forwards and no steps backwards.

Angela, Christ Jesus is holding your hand as you take each step. To him you have no shame or dis honour. Take that hand and hold it tight Sister.

Do not beat your self up when you fall, that is a big catch. When the bad days come, close all your hatches, hold onto your faith in him and just wait. A prayer may be a simple plea to our precious Lord, but he is right beside you, and he has heard you. Don’t feel that you have to strive in the bad days, just rest and know that you are safe and loved Angela.

I will hold you in my prayers Sister, as your brother in Christ, I love you

AngelHeart my dear Sis,

You my Sister are a testament to all. The brave stands you take in his name to declare to all about his saving love is an inspiration. I simply love ya Sis. You yourself face many trials, but you stand against the howling winds of this world at the same time giving praises to our King. Jesus knows this Sis, and your rewards will be many.
Love ya

Lisaleenie my dear Sis,

You Sis and what you have done in the last 6 months overcoming illness, work hassles etc, while all the time praising him, well what can I say?
Yes I know. I am so proud to be able to call you my Sister. I am so proud to have the privilege of knowing Lisaleenie.

You have shared how you back slid and came back to your first love. You are loved by our King. I understand this as I was the same.

Lisaleenie, one day we will not just praise him with our lips, but also with a dance. Move over girl on the dance floor, because I can feel my legs starting to shake in praise.

Love ya sis

Paul, my dear Brother and Aussie friend,
How beautiful your story turned out. So many of us give in too soon and throw in the towel, not realizing that God is weaving a beautiful tapestry on the flip side of the mess we're in.

God, thank You for Your love for Paul and for saving him from destroying himself. I pray that his family will accept him as he is now and see the wonderful, dramatic change in him since he found You. You can turn anything around and make it a jewel, as You have done for Paul.

Paul, you are so very loved by us here on RITA. Thank you for sharing your life with us.

Paul,
Thank you for having the courage to tell us your story.
I came from an abusive family also. I lived with their guilt trips on me for 40 years and then God provided a way out for me. I moved 3,000 miles away with a small child to a state where I had no friends and no family.
He then gave me a wonderful Christian husband who helped me heal.
To God be the glory forever and ever for our healing and the healing of others.
God bless you Paul.

Brother Paul--Greetings in His name and love!

I'm so glad I brought to mind things you hadn't thought of yet--part of the goal. I did remember you live in rural Australia and that's why I brought up the idea of calling this ministry to see if you could get ministry materials to even start a group on your own through your Church, as they do work through the Church. What you need is the leadership materials for training others. There's more detailed info there. But if you can just get manuals for the trainees that's a start. I'll find the name and address, phone # to post in a new thread here.

Ask for help in your situation--explain it to them . If you've got other like-minded people interested , it wouldn't surprise me if they showed up near you to offer the class themselves! Also, they'd know of Churches in the area who maybe are already participating. Your Pastor may know. Or another Pastor in the area. I don't know what's going on in Australia, but they will! And if you're the first to show interest they'll honor that and work with you. Don't hesitate to ask for the founder himself to call you back or his number where you can personally reach him. If nothing else, ask if they'll sell you the two training manuals. There's much in them that cover many topics. Depression is only one topic.

It's handy reference material, as I just demonstrated was used for a woman outside of Stephen Ministry to help her recognize serious signs of deep depression. That was what she needed, which convinced her to make an appointment with our Pastor. That gentleman would never receive a Stephen minister, he'd be offended she offered to do so. But still, we've been able to work around that to a degree. She wondered since he asked her not to pray for him(red flag), if she should pray anyway. He had her really buffaloed. In such a little way our visit reassured her and freed her to wisely prepare just in case. Whether the man gets help or not, the Lord was obviously working in and through her. I was able to tell her to listen to that thought that kept coming up. She was relieved just being able to talk to someone as she couldn't do much at work. Confidentiality was needed. She talked, made decisions, and now has an action plan and two people she can talk to! Maybe in the long run,all she needs. The story isn't over yet' We used manual materials to examinre the problem she encountered. It's taking the heat off of her--it's now shared. I've had the chance to share--don't blame yourself if anything destructive happens-you've done all you can. He's blessed to have a co-worker who cares so much and able to bring him to the Lord's attention to deal with-to give him to Jesus. Put him at the foot of the cross-into Jesus' capable hands. He relieved you himself of any responsibility, etc. She's done all she can and can rest in peace with that knowledge.

She's now prepared if the worst happens. Without realizing it , in counciling her, while outside the bounds of Stephen ministry -she , herself, was my care receiver on a short-term basis. I became very concerned for her. Some situations don't lend themselves to intervention. And this person is above her in rank at work. She was walking a very fine line with her job even at stake. It was no coincidence she approached me that day . I had a real sense of urgency on getting on that quickly for both people involved.




Point being --good was accomplished without the full program in operation, simply by having this resource to help others deal with their problems. Family, friends, co-workers and people out of the blue approaching you. Jesus will use you. He'll set up chance encounters.

I've encouraged using the Church also as these materials aren't cheap. The churches pick up expenses in order to have trained people on hand. Trainees and leaders expenses are covered by the Church--even traveling expenses to seminars or costs involved for leadership even in caregiving itself. Things to think about.

My family is waiting so I need to close now. I'll be back later with the contact info.

Thank you so much for the kind words, dear brother. They mean more than I can say.

P.S. I've got my dancing shoes on!!!

"Some Christians think that to be a Christian you need to go around and feel lowly about yourself, to deny yourself etc. I reckon a lot take this out of context."

The subject of "esteem" to me is a fascinating one.
It's worthy of discussion because I believe it is an issue near the heart of Christianity. It's interesting that in modern times the emphasis of esteem is almost always on "self"--or usually "Self"
(w/ big "S"). Paul, if you are referring to "asceticism" in its various forms: legalistic a.k.a. religious versions-- "Christian" nosticism, Indian Quietism, Greek Stoicism--then I totally agree with your above statement. This spirit of false humility was present in Jesus' day which He opposed. However, and I think you agree, the denial of self is central to Christianity. Baptism itself represents dying to self/ new life in Christ. I know you know all this--but I'm writing this for a general audience as food for thought. Mentioned briefly in the bible is self love: "And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself" (Matt. 22:39 King James Version). But the emphasis was on neighbors. I would say Esteem should be placed on none other than the Holy Trinity as we merit nothing, and "self-worth" is really derived from God alone. That's why if we receive a crown at all, we cannot wait to place it at God's feet. So being in continual awe--as you are--over the Goodness [Righteousness] of God--I believe legitimate self-esteem is derived only from our being placed in union with Him. Therefore, all the glory and honor and thanks goes to Him [the Way, the Truth, and the Life].

Therefore, here is some additional food for thought (to mull over as a cow would chew his cud):


Also, by J.R. Ensey:
http://www.advanceministries.org/articles/articlepages/integration.htm

Awww dear loving brother Paul you really know how to put a smile on my face!!!

Can't wait to give you the biggest hug ever but this will have to do for now

Website: www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=667676418&ref=profile

Kman dear Bro,

My words-
"Some Christians think that to be a Christian you need to go around and feel lowly about yourself, to deny yourself etc. I reckon a lot take this out of context."

Agree with you 100%

Just to clarify. What I meant by this was-

When we become new in Christ and there after, we are his children, we are loved. And Jesus wants us to know this. It is only by what he has done, not us.

We are to put others first like you have said, the foundations of what we are taught etc.

But where I am coming from is this-
We are loved. And when we connect and fully accept Gods love / grace and mercies it tranforms us. It makes us want to serve others etc.
When we can feel his love truly shining upon us, we are to be bold. Bold in the knowledge that we are his.
Our God is not a God of anger, but of love. The basic's of my message is that God wants you to know that you are loved and forgiven. Judgement or legalism is not an option. Be bold on know that you are loved, and this knowledge and acceptance then brings out the desire to serve others, to put others first. Why? Because of what he has done for us, we want to give back, not in works, but in love. Because we know what he has done and what he means to us.

When a person knows that they are loved, deeply in their heart, they simply shine. The good news of the bible

Love ybiC / Paul

"I agree with you 100%"

Thanks for your clarification. I agreed with you as well. There is much unity in the Spirit as we are both on the same page. The burning issue for man concerning Jesus Christ really is "deny or Deify."

Accept or reject. The burning issue for man concerning man is ironically the same: "deny or deify." One can "deny self," I mean in the sense we are not the captain of our souls as the poem goes: we are hopeless, helpless, cannot lift ourselves up by our own bootstraps; or we can "deify self"--amazingly popular today. I say amazing because of the absurdness: the idea that we can somehow be victorious...positive thinking, possibility thinking; a religious system of rules, works; dead deities.

"We are all little gods" is the mantra today.
I say absurd because when the rubber meets the road, when it comes time to die (or the rapture), only Christ conquered death. And yes, it's all about forgiveness and being released from anger and guilt.
As a sinner, this is a work in progress; but I believe the Lord paid the price in full.

Still, there are many questions that linger in these final moments. Are some Christians not worthy enough?
Will some of us face the tribulation? Does psychology have its place alongside the gospel?

Hi! I'm back.

Info promised:

Stephen Ministeries Saint Louis
2045 Innerbelt Business District Dr.
Saint Louis, Missouri 63114-5765
Phone 314-428-2600

Fax 314-428-7888

www.stephenministeries.org

Kenneth Haugh (pronounced hawk)
Founder and executive Director
on behalf of Stephen Ministries St,Louis

I've not heard recently to know if he's still acting director. He was getting older and it's been a few years since I've been in direct contact. Executive personnel were stepping up more so at that time.

This is a life changing journey. And the one who benefits the most in many ways is the Stephen Minister himself. An incredible journey with the living Christ . You will grow spiritually in ways you can't anticipate.

Jesus says, " Follow Me!" That's His call on our lives. He will be with you each step of the way. He will give you joy to encourage you; His gift to all who follow Him in servanthood.
J-esus
O-thers
Y-ou

You will be joining a commited company of caring servants.

The blessing Paul wrote to the Thessalonians:

May the God of peace Himself sanctify you wholly; and may your spirit and soul and body be kept sound and blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful, and He will do it." (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

Topics of study--a few

The person of the Caregiver

Feeling: yours, mine, and ours

The art of Listening

Distinctly Christian Caring

Process versus results in caregiving

Assertiveness: relating gently and firmly

Maintaining boundaries in caregiving

Crisis theory and practice: danger versus opportunity

confidentiality

Telecare:the next best thing to being there

Using Mental health professionals and other community resources

Ministering to those experiencing grief

Dealing with depression: the Stephen minister's role

Helping Suicidal persons get the help they need

Bringing the caring relationship to a close

Supervision: a key to quality Christian care

How to make a first caring visit

Follow Me


Ministry to the dying and their family and friends

Caring for people before, during and after hospitalization

Ministering to those experiencing losses due to aging

Ministering to those needing long term care

Ministering to those experiencing divorce

Crises of pregnancy and childbirth

providing spiritual care

You're taught above all how to be a good listener, to achieve feedback, to ask questions that make the care receiver think--to put him in the driver's seat--to feel comfortable--to achieve a goal without making it seem like it was your goal, but his. Example: you're working with a very depressed gentleman. He states he's going to quit his job today. You ask a question putting the ball back in his court so to speak: "Is there any reason you couldn't wait to do that until our next visit? We can talk about that again next week. We'll Consider that out topic for next week, okay?" (Something similar) Your goal is to try to stop him from making a big mistake until he's thought this over more. A stall/delay tactic. He's not thinking straight at that moment and could later regret this move. By stalling him--you've given him time to think this move through better and perhaps next week he'll be feeling better and see things differently!

You're given questions to ask that have been well planned out in advance and well practiced and fine-tuned by others before you. Open- ended questions. You're not telling him what to do. You don't want to argue or point out errors but by gently stalling you could prevent him from making the mistake of a lifetime which would only make his situation worse.

You will roleplay, have a prayer partner, and learn such techniques.

Check out their materials and see what you think then. You're given many, many scripture verses for you and your care receiver. Will hear from many professionals themselves in training classes.

You will learn and grow, while growing closer and closer to Jesus. Gosh, do you get the idea I highly recommend this ministry. Ha! I'm going to pray that Jesus opens the door for you somehow where you're at or nearby. I'm going to put this matter in His hands to work that out for you. If Australia doesn't have this ministry than I'll pray it's launched there. My God does all things. He's a miracle working God.Amen. Be blessed Paul. Look at these responses of love for you. You are definitely loved and appreciated by so many. You're blessed by each one. Love you Paul.

" I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another." John 13:34

"Bear one another's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

WOW, Paul...what a testimony to the transformation that comes when we finally realize the truth of Gods love for us.

It took me 50 years to figure out that being good was not good enough. Once I finally realize that He was not angry, upset or even disappointed with me for all my failures but instead loved and accepted me unconditionally, it set me free to trust and obey Him completely. He knew exactly what I was like and what failures I was going to make before He wooed me unto Himself, convicted me of my need for Him and then signed and sealed the purchase with His Holy Spirit. He did it all. All I had to do was respond to His love.

Isn't it true that there is nothing more freeing, nothing more fulfilling and nothing more exciting that to experience the complete love and acceptance of our Savior, Jesus Christ???

I see it in the words of your post and replies. You have found that truth and are walking in it. Praise His name!!

If more people would just find out that it is only when we are WEAK and empty of ourselves that
we become STRONG as we rest in the arms of LOVE....REAL LOVE. There is nothing else like it.

Love you brother..see you soon

Tom