Rita...

Well some news that needs to be said. My dad used to say that there are always two sides to a story. In this case it's true.

If I've asked you for prayers and you have lovingly given, it's now my obligation to inform you. I don't have to go into detail, but still need to confess.

Why confess, because I thought all of my actions were right. When I went to email my sister yesterday and to make a statement, the Holy Spirit said "No, that's not true". That got my attention fast!!!

Between yesterday evening and 5 AM this morning, the Holy Spirt has been revealing His heart on the issue. Mind you we always get there. He never seems to leave a wrong alone. Praise God!

He brought vivid memory back into my mind like a movie and showed me my insensitivity in a couple of areas with my mom. Being on medication didn't help. For then she felt trapped. I thought I was doing a very good job and normally mom would address any issue like not enough light in the room, as my wife was dealing with migranes. But mom has a light issue, because of a hell experience. Sorry but that's the minor one.

Anyway, my personality did play a part, with all the things going on. Caregiving is anything but easy, but hurting in this case, my mom, is really embarrassing.

There are other issues, but wow, did I ever blow it!

A monster, no....but the way this has played out, many family members will be separated in my judgement of her care. I should have just stepped back and would have seen it, but didn't.

Dear family...I want to apologize, as my intentions at the time were good but didn't think things through. Had I gone to the Lord and spent the time needed with Him, that would also have done it, for He loves all. When you're in something 24/7...the remaining energy is lacking. However the Lord didn't make that excuse for me.

Once more get resolved, hopefully, then I can update. I love you all!

YBIC
Steve

Rita...

My mom should have gone to a nursing home probably 6 months ago. There are so many physchological issues to caregiving that one never thinks about. I ended up treating my mom like I always have. One can't do that with any elderly person. Things are all intensified because of their condition and they're no longer inside their own home. Being under someone elses care requires that that person really put yourself in their shoes at all times. That's were I blew it. I was treating mom as I always have and looking at how she was feeling on different things.

Then things start affecting the emotions and they feel isolated. Never intended mom to feel that way. It now appears she is going to go into a nursing home. I think that will give us all a break and that is much needed.

Thanks all.

Steve

Steve W,
Sometimes the Lord lets us fall smack on our face.
Then we come to HIM.
Maybe this was ment all along.
We (grown children),try to take care of our
parents.But sometimes,when their are special needs.
We do our best.But our best is not what is needed.
This vseesl feels bad,for you and your mom.
Lord,I lift Steve,his mom and family up before
you.I ask your will in this.But also to bring peace
in to all their hearts and minds.
Lord you know Steve tryed.But this was not what
you wanted.Maybe in puting your mom in a rest home.
Maybe the Lord will make a way for you to plant
seeds in their.We never know what the Lord has in store for us.
So praise the Lord for this.
Go on with what He has in store for you.
In JESUS name,
Star

Star...

Thank you. The skills necessary to deal with the elderly really requires training. I don't have that. I've never had to look at things differently and realize now I really needed to. I think a 10 year old girl, not guy, could have seen this one, but somehow I missed it.

Never meant to isolate mom, ever, but again, so many things you have never come across enter in. I hope others will learn from this one because when one can not even adjust oneself in bed, and has that deep of a care issue, they really need to not think that an unskilled person can any longer take care for them.

Mom always wanted to be with family. But at some point reality must come to the table and make the necessary choices for them. Mom was not man handled. But like I said, when a person leaves the security of their own home, everything changes with them. Never saw that as I should have. I would have changed my approach and been so much more thoughtful.

I praise the Lord,
For little training I got.
Working in retirement centers.
Thats how I was able to take care of my husband.
Befor he passed away.
2 months ago today.
Glory to God,he is with the Lord,
In Jesus Name,
Star

Steve as hard as it is to let go ..you are probably making the right decision...just know it is hard for all families...my friend who does home care told me how things were in some homes of good people but when it comes to caring for an elderly parent things can become very difficult.... she help me alot to know what the norm is..... and it is really the best that some people can do....

Joyful Susan and Star...

Thanks for you comments. I heard from my sister and she said that it's hard to have ones heart examined before the Lord. She loved me and it would appear that we are going to work through this.

As far as rest of the people involved, I really don't know. At this point I'm worn out. I'll look at this thing better come tomorrow.

Blessings to all. I normally don't get to a point that I need that type of assistance, but needed every prayer this time. What a learning curve!

Blessings to all that have been involved. Thank you dear Rita family. Sorry for coming unglued on you all!

YBIC
Steve

Steve, the thing that hit me about your situation is how TEACHABLE you are! What a neat blessing that is! You need to not be too hard on yourself. Do you know how many people don't listen to the leading of the Lord when they are wrong - and they just keep bulldozing through and hurting people?

You are not like that, brother! The Spirit of God is living in you and you are listening to Him and changing your ways and your heart. What a sweet thing that is. God will bless you for being so pliable in His hands.

Email: DiChapman1@aol.com

Dear Steve, I have to say that I admire the fact that you have such a teachable spirit with the Lord. He corrected you, and you took it to heart, good for you!!

I so understand what it's like to care for an aging parent. It is very hard. And I also know what it's like to search for the right nursing home. I did it for my mom, and that just about ripped my heart out....but after the Lord led me to a good one, it took so much pressure off of me. I was drained and exhausted because I loved my mom so much, I just wanted to do everything for her, but I was working full-time plus spending every weekend with her, so I would get really tired and drained. Because of that, I would sometimes lose patience with her, then the Holy Spirit would convict me and I would quickly apologize.

I know that you love your mom, and want the best for her. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I emphathize what you're going through. It's not easy, but it's very rewarding. Don't be hard on yourself. Ask the Lord for strength. You're in my prayers.

Dear Star,
I'm sorry to hear your husband passed away 2 months ago. I didn't know that, I read it before this week where you mentioned it in another tread. Still, want to bless you and pray right now the Lord may strenghten you every day more and more, so you will experience His glory and comfort in all this, knowing very soon, you will see your precious husband again in heaven! In Jesus' Holy Name, Amen.

Email: jan.sabrina@pandora.be

Diane and Eileen...

You two are very thoughtful sisters. Thank you! Mom is going to go back with my sister in about a month or so. She is in a care facility here till she leaves. My sister has a lead on a personal home that takes care of the elderly as a ministry. Hope that works out. My sister was with my dad when he passed away. I'm glad I wasn't. That maybe sounds bad, but I've always been happier not seeing their very last hours to live. Whereas my sister views it as a blessing. I'm very glad she is built that way. I'm not.

Now that their seems to be some finality to this, it allows me to come down emotionally and get back on track, the way I should.

Yes...I tend to be harder on myself. As I've gotten older the energy level has not kept up with the demands of life. So at times it seems I do nothing well.

I've always liked it when we get on the subject of OSAS, because the things that Texas Sue and Donna bring to their posts are wonderful to read. At times I need just to be still and know that He is God and try not to carry the load that is not mine to carry.

Star...I too am so sorry to hear that you have lost your husband. Having that physical loss is hard at times to bear. Sabrina...thank you for mentioning that again, as I too read it in another post.

I am for ever amazed by the family here. Thanks for your love!

YBIC
Steve

Steve:

As mentioned by Diane and Lisaleenie, your teachable spirit is a joy to behold. What an inspiration! You have both the humility to accept the Lord's truth/correction, and then the honesty to come here and admit it to RITA!

After all that you have been going through, that says a lot about your integrity and sincere desire to please the Lord.

I don't know if you are my age, or not, but please take it as a compliment when I say I consider you the older brother I always wanted. You have a heart after God, and it shows through your willingness to help others stay on the right path - yet you are able to do this in a loving manner (something I need to learn how to do). Thank you for setting a good example for me - the very fact that you (like the rest of us still walking this earth) stumble once in awhile and yet are willing to accept the Lord's hand when He reaches down to help you up speaks volumes to me that yes, I too can carry on despite life's challenges.

Thank you for sharing your story so that we might learn, and also pray for you!

Blessings

Sabrina,
Thank you.
This may sound weird.
(B U T),
This vessel believs that Jesus took my sweet man
home.
1,Because he had finished his work.
2.And so that this vessel would be a messenger
for such a time as now.
We never know what our Lord will do.
Or how He will use us.For HIS purpose.
And being a messenger for the Lord at this time.
Is HIS will for me.
Thank you for your prays.We can always use prayer
In JESUS name,
Star

New Creation...

Wow!!! All I can say is thank you. I would love to be you're older brother... Any day of the week!!!

You all have seen my lows and then lows again. My only purpose was to ask for prayer, and that is exactly what worked. I've always asked for complete honesty from our children, which are all in their 30's now. If I've asked that for them, God requires the same for me.

Pride has always been something that the Lord has had to keep an eye on in my life. There are times you feel like you could dance on a dime, but He is always and forever faithful to lift you back up. Ultimately the only thing that happens, if one is willing to be obedient, is to grow in Him. Life's lessons are rarely fun. We spend most of our lives in the valley, not on the rooftops. I used to hate the process of santification, but now have learned to embrace it. All it does is bring in more light. Then with more light more things are seen and the process continues, till our walk here is done.

The goal is to be like Jesus!!!

The thing I absolutely refuse to do is stop seeking after truth, even if I'm wrong, and also not obey His voice. If He says go, I go and gladly. I will not leave His side. My focus is Him and Him only. So everything else in my mind must submit to that one desire. As Charity says...I want to counted worthy. New Creation...it's not my holiness, for that in this flesh I personally can't do, but it's all His.

The goal now is to rest in Him.

Blessings on you dear sis!!!

YBIC
Steve

Dear Steve,

I'm glad to see positive things seem to be happening now in your situation! It's a real blessing your mom is alert enough and in her right mind to say what she wants. Mom and sister have made plans. That takes much heat off of you. A very positive thing for all.

I'm glad you took this to the Lord and He was able to show you things you weren't aware of for self correction. I'm thrilled your sister answered you positively. The love is there, the rest can be overcome in time. That positive response means you will survive this with your core family in tact.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You were thrown into a chasm of confusion with rampant high feelings on all sides and grief enough for all to slip on. Mom is used to being independent, in charge, the caregiver of others--suddenly facing circumstances none of us want to face. She's facing mixed emotions she's having to deal with. Then there's your feelings added to the mix. Maybe you had to make tough love decisions that were resented. So the parent finds herself in a role reversal--no longer the strong, independent caretaker of others; but instead, the one needing care. There's probably anger there--having to leave her home, etc. The drugs, the weight loss, the illness--heck, you were all set up for trouble.

But things have now changed for the better. Mom is participating in decisions , deciding for herself. This is very helpful for all concerned. It's only natural she'll turn toward her daughter. Don't feel bad about that. It's a girl thing.

I forsee this passing and you all surviving. Support the two ladies in your life. Then get some R&R! Stress and lack of sleep cause you grief. I'd say a positive outcome is insight. You can overcome and have a happy ending in the long run. It will never be perfect but livable. You can take it from here.

Rest assured Jesus has let you know He's got it all under control. It's been my prayer that your mom live to see the Rapture. With all of her missionary work --she deserves to see this through to the end of the Age of Grace. And this encourages me that she will.

Love from ysiC, VC

VC...

Other than the anger, you're observations were right on. Mom is incredibley sweet. And yes it is a good thing. Both my wife and I are quite pleased our time in caregiving is about over. Not sure I was as cut out for it at such a late stage. It would have been better several years ago.

Mom is by the way refusing to take that narcotic patch and I also asked the nursing home to remove it and they have. So I do have mom back and have for over a week!

Prayer never goes to waste. All of your prayers stopped the enemy in his tracks and the Lord was able to work as He wanted to.

I ultimately don't care about being right, I'm far more interested in what is true. The Lord has always been very faithful and will continue to be for all His kids!

Much love....YBIC
Steve

That doesn't sound bad...at least not to me. I understand how you feel. I was with my mother the day she passed away. She was in a coma in the ICU ward at the hospital. I went home for a little while to have a bite of dinner. I just finished eating when I got a call from the hospital to tell me that my mother passed away. With my heart in my throat, I drove back to the hospital, and found her dead with a wide look in her eyes, and her mouth was opened as if she was grasping for air. (She died of a heart attack, but all her organs had shut down long before that.)

The Lord was merciful to me that I was not there to see my mother's dying moments. It would have broken my heart to see her eyes wide open, and struggling to breathe. She was on a "no code", which means that she would not have been resusitated. That would have haunted me all the days of my life. And since she was in a coma, she would not have known I was there, adding my brokenheartedness and feelings of helplessness. Like I said, the Lord was merciful.

Eileen...

I'm so sorry any of us have to go through such a thing, but dying, is in a way, a part of life. It's so hard though for people that have lost a spouse. My dad used to say that those that think that well... they're in heaven, so it's ok, don't understand the physical and emotional lose. My dad died over 10 years ago and because he was not only my best friend but dad as well, that was an enormous loss to me. He's the only one I've ever known that is on the same wavelength as I am. We could talk for hours! This one will affect my older sister more. I think it's because it's a girl thing as one said in an earlier post.

What I really wanted to comment on is your comment on that your mom was a "no code". Well, so is my mom. I told her I signed a form upon the doctors request at the hospital this last time because he said my mom's bones are soooooo brittle, that any CPR would crush all her bones and she would die anyway. When you are 5'5" tall and now only 81 lbs, that's more than just skinny. That's less than Twiggy. That dates me, huh???

Bless you dear sister. You're a blessing. I think we'll need the red roses when we get to heaven because most of us have made up names.

Your brother forever!
Steve