Okay, I am at the complete bottom of desperation with my son, Elijah, 5, who refuses to potty train...I am so depressed about this, I just want to crawl in a hole. We have been trying since he was 3, which is 'late-ish' for potty training, but our philosophy was that we didn't want to push and make it a big deal; that he would train when he was ready. So we started out slowly. Well, through the *YEARS* of potty training, NOTHING is working.

Now, it has gotten so bad that he holds in when he has the urge to go and mostly will not take it to the potty. I have changed inumerable amounts of soiled underware on a daily basis. P**p is running our life! We can't do anything without this issue rearing it's head, since Elijah now struggles with this ALL DAY LONG. It is a nightmare just leaving the house, since we inevitably have to deal with this wherever we are (park, store, play date ((VERY EMBARRASSING)), library, etc, etc). I don't know what to do!!

I have done everything I know to do. I have prayed and prayed and sought the Lord for guidance, I have prayed WITH Elijah that Jesus would help him potty train, I have given him fiber and laxatives, taken him to the doctor, gone back to diapers for six months and took off all pressure, NOTHING WORKS.

I am so despondent over this...

UGH>

I'm so sorry Melanie...I haven't run into much trouble potty training mine...but I will admit that I always dread it. I don't have any advice, but I can pray!

Website: www.comingintheclouds.com/forum

Melanie I am so sorry. It's been so long since my children were little that I don't have any tips for you but I will pray that things turn around. I am sure there are newer mommies out here on RITA that can give some helpful ideas. In the meantime, I can sympathize with you regarding outings. That was a scary thing when mine were little too. There were always accidents at the most inopportune times and at the most embarrasing places. Love you dear Mel and hope this problem turns around soon.

Thank you Ma and Sue, I really, really appreciate your prayers. I just don't know any other thing I can possibly do. This is NOT NORMAL. Something is very wrong but I don't know what it could be. Elijah is extremely bright and sweet and desires to please us (his parents). He is very out-going and expressive. There's never been a traumatic experience that would cause this. He gets lots and lots of attention from both me and my husband.... I am truly at a loss but I am about to freak out.

The only thing I can think is that we need lots of prayer to overcome this challenge. It is exhausting just thinking of waking up each morning to deal with this all day long.

Melanie I sure don't know the answer but know that prayer always works.

I think it's wonderful that you shared this and know all the prayers that will go up will help the problem be resolved SOON.

Standing with you in prayer.
LOVE YOU.

Melanie,

I'll lift you up in prayer for wisdom and patience.

I'm just a 60 year old grandma but I did train my niece (who's in her early 20's now) and my 8 year old grandson when he was 4 and had no interest in potty training.

I would put him on the toilet first thing in the morning and every half hour after that. Tiring but doable. I had a small bowl of M&M's by the bathroom sink....
everytime he went went, even a little bit he got an M&m. No pee, no M&M. Both niece and grandson learned pretty fast.


I kept up the M&M thing for a few weeks and then slowly stopped....giving them one every few potties....finally getting rid of it altogether.

Don't go anywhere without pullups on to avoid grief for everyone.

As my daughter and I have said....they are not going to college or marriage in pullups. That's all that counts!

Be of good cheer sweet sister!

It's not easy.

I will add my prayers....

But, all is not lost. There was one method suggested by a pediatric nurse. It worked like magic and eliminated the need for pull-ups for both day and night.

Take Elijah to a store and have him pick out a small truck or other toy that he absolutely loves. When you get it home let him play with it for about an hour. At that point you need to remove the toy and tell him that he will be able to play with it again when he uses the potty for "number two” rather than his pull-ups.

When the deed has been done, give the child the toy, and let him know that he can play with it for an hour. Keep to that schedule and remove the toy after the hour is up. The next time he uses the potty properly, let him play with the truck again for an hour. Also, once he uses the potty that day let him put on a pair of his underwear. Make sure you have bought a pair that has one of his favorite characters on it - this will boost his confidence and let him know that you are proud of him for what he did.

This can go on for any length of time, but typically it takes only a week or so before he will know where to do his business and will be wearing underwear and making your life that much easier and less messy.

YBIC
Rich E

Melanie, I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I don't have any suggestions as it has been SO long since I have done that, but I will pray for you.

Blessings sis.

Hey there... My name is Drew, and I am an old friend of Charity's...and I have been admittedly lurking here for a while... But after reading your post, I had to comment...

My wife and I had a terrible time potty training our daughter...It took us almost two years... We tried everything as well... but what eventually worked was a few days of sheer HELL! We sat her down and told her that "in a few days, you are going to begin using the potty from now on...no more pull ups, no more diapers, no more pooping in your pants." We affirmed her when she said she was scared, but told her that it was time, and that she would obey...

We set aside three days when we knew we were not going to leave the house...got our provisions ready...as well as plenty of intercessory prayer... and spent those three days... with an egg timer, putting her on the pot every half hour, for five minutes at a time, sometimes with her screaming and pitching a Holy fit, until she finally pooped...When she did, we rewarded her and affirmed her, and then asked if she had any more poopie inside...when she was done, we moved on with our day, and told her she would be doing it again the next day...which was a fight as well... But by the third day, she realized we meant business and that it was time for her to do it...

We learned this technique from a friend who had a similar issue...and it took her son 5 days to get it... but eventually paid off...

The most important part is to be on the same page as your spouse, and to stick to your guns... when you are going crazy and don't think you can handle anymore, then let your spouse take over... It was emotionally trying, and a chaotic few days, but it has resolved the issue... My daughter still does not poop everyday, but when she needs to, she does, and we have had no accidents or diapers since... Before, she would go for four or five days without pooping before we would cave and give her a pullup....

I hope this helps... I will be praying for you!!

Melanie,

I meant to mention that my grandson did not get sweets so he thought the M&M's were wonderful. More incentive! With niece it took about 3 days before she was trained. Grandson about a week.
But the toy incentive is a great idea too.

Next for training is my 2 year old grandaughter....pray for me!

Prayer will change this situation.
No doubt.

Rich E~ excellent idea, I will try to incorporate that. Thank you so much!

Drew! I love you! It's so wonderful to have someone to commiserate with who has been there. Wow. Why is it that some children are wired to learn everything the hardest way possible???

Your method sounds like potty warfare! I'm game. This needs to be done with. My husband and I are SICK TO DEATH of this battle day in and day out. Elijah is also on a kid's gummi fiber laxative, so I think that will help him not be able to hold it in for long.

Diane, Drew and Rich THANK YOU, THANK YOU for writing in and praying.

Your Welcome!!!

For us, it really turned out to be more about our (My wife and I's) consistency than my daughters... Anytime you want to commiserate, I am game!!

Praying peace, patience, persistence and progress!!!

Mel, how I commiserate with you! It was a matter of sheer will with two of my kids and my will HAD to win out!

So I agree heartily with Drew and Barb S! Be consistent with potty sittings, and reward when they do go. (and don't let them off the pot if they have to go, no matter how they scream!) They are simply trying to assert their own will, but these little precious people have to learn who is boss!

Oh thank you Carlee~ your prayers are very very much a God-send! And your advice; yes it is definitely a matter of wills, certainly at 5 years old, Elijah knows well what he is doing and yet continues to choose to be disobedient. I will make sure we pray and consider which plan to implement here and then go full-force until we have victory.

Pulling in instead of pushing out is not uncommon with children. The doctor told me this. Is he getting constipated and it hurts to go? You may want to talk to the doctor about giving him a over the counter pedi-lax. I am just wondering if the problem of potty training is a little more complex then just refusing to.

Melanie,
This vessel is sad to hear that.
My oldest son refused to be potty trained.
So,he wore diapers untill he was ready for school.
Some how that(going to school)turned things
around. Where as the youngest son was pottie trained
in a week.
Lord,you know what this family is going thru.
Lord please give this little boy a trainable
spirit.Especially for pottie training.
Thank you
Lord

Oh dear Melanie!!! I feel for you! I HATE POOP!!!

Gabriela is 3 years old, and has yet to be interested in potty training. Her thing is, she is "scared of it" (the poop). From my perspective, it is a lot nastier to go in the diaper, but obviously this is not the case from her perspective.

Speaking of which, just this evening she made the best case for wearing diapers I've ever heard. She said: "Well Jesus wore diapers".

I was like, "What are you talking about? And then I realized she was talking about those paintings of Jesus on the cross...


Oh dear...the little ones can be so clever.

Hi Melanie I am sorry about this absolute frustration. My grandson is having the exact same issue. Your not alone. He is 5 years old as well. But at least your praying about it. My grandson has always had bowel issues since he was born. They've taken him to the doctor, he's on laxatives you name it. My son and his wife are like you beyond frustration. They've done all they can do. They even had him on childrens probiotics. They think because he has bowel issues that that has something to do with the training process. It'll get there. I did get him a dvd though which he loves potty power. Its one of his favorites. I just try not to laugh but its a kid thing and my kids are grown up.

Email: Becky98823@yahoo.com

As far as my experience with potty training...with my boys I started too early with my oldest...he was scared of going poop in the toilet so I taught him to go in a regular child potty training seat. I still started too early at age 2 and so I just gave up and decided to wait until he was ready. At age three he asked me for big boy pants and was immediately potty trained. With my second son it was easier as he had his older brother to watch and once again I waited until he was over three to even begin trying.

With my oldest daughter......well she was 'playing me'....I tried to potty train her at three but she revolted big time....so I just waited until I took her to the pediatrician at 3 and a half and he told me that she knew EXACTLY what she was doing....he kept bringing up the subject of going potty and she kept switching the subject..LOL....so he told me to go home and just get rid of the pull-ups and diapers and be strong and make her wear big girl pants. I went home that very afternoon and got rid of the diapers etc.....she took a full week to completely potty train and she would cry and pitch fits when it was time to go poop, but I told her that she had to go on the toilet and that I had no diapers for her....and it worked. Girls are supposed to be easier than boys to train, but in my experience it was the exact opposite. I am sure it depends on the child.

Don't beat yourself up over it. As someone else said...he won't go to college in pullups. I have heard that when they hold it in refusing to go they can become constipated and it can be harder for them to go. I know there are some kids that take a VERY long time to completely potty train..especially wetting the bed etc....so do not feel bad at all about it.

As far as I was concerned...public toilets gross me out so I always LIKED diapers...plus if we were on a long trip we wouldn't have to stop often for the child to go potty...LOL....so I never had great incentive to get them trained early as I liked the convenience of diapers. I never understood the rush to potty train..as I had preschool teachers trying to push me to train my oldest even before he was two.

Anyway...hugs, hon. I know as a parent it can be really frustrating...but he'll get it soon enough...hopefully you can train him in heaven ;0).

Oh..same thing about the pacifer too...I had a pediatrician tell me to cut it out cold turkey when I was trying to wean my oldest off of it...so I went home that day and sure enough it worked. Of course once again my daughter got hers an extra six months more than the boys...LOL...playing me once again!

Praying for your situation Melanie.

Lord we lift up Elijah, we pray that you would give him a spirit of obedience and allay his fears. Give him the self confidence he needs to do his business without the need for pull-ups. We pray that you would bless Melanie's family for her faithfulness in being a good mother. Amen.

Oh, Melanie. I know how you feel. I think my daughter, Danielle, was at least 4-1/2 before she completely potty trained. My son, who is now 19, had enuresis until he was 13, and then it quit. We tried everything from pills to alarms. Finally, he just made up his mind to do it.

You're right: Elijah is very smart. Don't despair. God sees this and He understands and He is already on it, dear. And He loves Elijah much more than you do, so He won't let the little guy go on much longer, for Elijah's sake.

Praying for ya, girly. You keep up the good mothering. You are doing everything just right, honey.

Lovingly, Rhonda

It has been a very long time since I did any potty training. But I do remember that I had to go at it in a different way with all 4 of my kids. By the time I got to the last one it was easy, with all the trial and error. What worked with him was to use the timer and have him sit on the potty every 30 min for 5 min. I wish I had known that technique with the others.

I am also praying in agreement.

Email: bjaksc@hotmail.com

Melanie I'll be praying about this too.
Love you
Ditta

Praying Melanie